Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Chronicle 26: Say What?! New Mama Insider Info


Here is what I know: Being a parent is like living on Mars. Minus all the heat and weird gases. Ok, plus the weird gases and minus the heat. It literally feels as if you're living on a different planet than everyone else. Well, other than people who are in your exact same position.


Here are some things I absolutely did not know about and have not heard anyone talk openly about (until I asked):

Nursing

It's so much more difficult than you imagine. I literally thought you were supposed to pop the baby on the boob and let him drink away. Not so. There are different types of holds and the baby has to latch on correctly and you have to come to a mutal agreement with your child about when and where to breastfeed. And they BARELY eat the first few days. Which is why they actually lose a bit of weight that first week, but trust me, it is fine. Scary, but fine.

Honestly, it hurts like hell. It's like purple nurples every time they eat for a few weeks. Then the nips toughen up and nursing becomes a habit (if you decide to pursue it). When your milk comes in, you may or not feel as if you magically received breast implants. I was so swollen, that I had to make a 10 o'clock run to Babies R Us to buy a pump, then proceeded to pump all the way home.

Also, your baby will scratch your chest up with their tiny little claws and you will look like your breasts got into a bar fight with a rosebush. I was too scared to cut G's nails forever, so I wore high necked tops for months. Now that he is teething, I have bite marks and bruises. Fun.


Friendships...

come and go, but never more so than during major life changes like getting married or having babies. There are people who just can't handle the fact that you aren't going out/drinking like you used to, or they're jealous of your happiness, or they are just plain in a different phase of their lives.

Your schedule changes dramatically for awhile, and kids can be so unpredictable that you need understanding family and friends if you have to cancel or rearrange plans. I'm lucky to have people like this in my life!

The good news is that, as a new parent, you can meet so many new friends that know exactly what you're going through. Great meeting places include: the park, the gym, the library (story hour!), the grocery, through friends and family, church, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part is getting up the courage to strike up a conversation and then follow through by making plans. It's a lot like dating: you really have to see if everyone is compatible! I am still in the "working up the courage" phase, but I'm lucky to have several mommy friends already.


SEX

Oh, yes I did. Surprisingly, you recover from (natural) delivery fairly quickly. That doesn't mean that you wanna jump right back in the sack as soon as you feel pain free. Because, yes, it hurts the first time you have sex. It reminds me of Jessica from HBO's True Blood who was turned into a vampire as a virgin. Which means that every time she gets down is literally like the first time. And it feels like that for awhile.

My advice? Lots of lube. And patience. And HUMOR. It goes a long way. Just remember there are a lot of other things you can do with your hubby, including non-sexual activities that are still intimate like showering together, massages, cuddling, breakfast in bed, etc. Like many other things after having a baby, this is temporary and while it may be more difficult to find time with your man, it can (and must!) be done. You just have to become a bit more creative!


Competition

I am not a competitive person by nature, but when I'm out and about I cannot help comparing myself to other parents and my little man to other babies. What is that baby doing that my son isn't? What do I do way better than that parent? I would never do that. My son will never act like that in public... It goes on and on. Why do we do this? Human nature, I suppose. But I really try to keep it to a minimum because every single child goes at their own pace. And nothing is wrong with that by any means. Who am I to judge and compare? My son and I are happy and healthy and that is all I can ask for. (It still creeps in sometimes. Hey, I can't help it!)


Your turn, mamas! What are some things that shocked you as a new mama? What would advice would you give to a new parent that you would have liked to receive? 

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

12 comments:

  1. Kendall4/26/2012

    Hahaha okay, you'll know why I'm laughing here in a sec.... so I was reading along and like, oh- didn't know that, oh - that makes sense.... then I got to the "sex" part and I misread the "just remember there are a lot of other things you can do with your hubby, including non-sexual activities that are still intimate like showering together, massages, cuddling, breakfast in bed, etc." and thought you said breastfeeding in bed.... I was like, uh..... okay - you're breastfeeding your hubby now??

    Sorry, it made me laugh. But love the openness and keep up the blog!

    xo

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  2. Haha Kendall!! That's hilarious. I suppose some people may get a kick out of that sort of...activity?! Dying over here!! Xoxo

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  3. Anonymous4/27/2012

    It is fun for us friends that aren't parents to get a sneak peek into that world!

    -Carrie

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    1. We will have to see you more often so G doesn't give you that scrutinizing look! i tend to hold back a little because I know one constant topic can get boring, but glad someone likes hearing about it! (I toned down my exclamation points, haha)

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  4. Anonymous4/27/2012

    I love the post and you covered many things most people wouldn't blog about "sex after a baby". Another thing I would include would be don't be afriad to ask for help. You might want to be super mom but, everyone has their breaking points and still needs me time.

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    1. Great point! I had to get over my "thing" about asking for help. People love helping others, especially when a baby is involved! You could do a trade during a visit - they come to visit the baby, but bring dinner or help with dishes, or you take a nap! Win win for everyone :)

      And it was difficult to write about sex because it's such a touchy (haha) issue, but it's very important. Sorry if it was too much information for any of my family members! :)

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  5. Jenn, I love the way you write these posts honestly but with class. :) And it's so nice that you cover the topics no one talks about, because if/when this is applicable to me, I'll consider myself warned. :)

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    1. Thank you, Lauren! That really means a lot to me. I feel so strongly about women helping one another out instead of always working against each other. I had several women who were honest and upfront about what having a baby really entails, rather than the rainbows and unicorns view we get fed from birth. So glad you liked it! Besos :)

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  6. Yes! The painful, bleeding, cracked nipples at the start of breastfeeding. Oh the joys! For some reason before I had kids I thought that babies ate like 5 times a day. Then when Emma was born I was a bit shocked when they told me I had to nurse her every TWO hours. I wish someone had told me how hard breastfeeding is at first, that way I would have been a bit more mentally prepared for those early weeks. I was really bad at the competition thing when Emma was a baby. Then #2 came along and she didn't start babbling or teething until 2-3 months later than her sister did, but she walked 4 months earlier. I really saw how completely different babies can be, and they really go at their own pace. And it's interesting now because their infant development completely matches their personalities now. I have my sweet, cautious girl and my crazy wild-child!

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    1. It definitely helps to be prepared for something like that, because you know it is normal and you can expect it, which makes it easier to deal with. It also helped to know exactly what happens after delivery (stitches, adult diapers, witch hazel pads, etc) so that i wasn't freaking out about taking care of myself. Maybe I should write a post about that?! Thanks for commenting, Amy! Xoxo

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  7. Kimmie4/29/2012

    I agree with the post that this is great for those of us who aren't mamas yet! It is sooo interesting, and I would have no idea about any of this stuff if it weren't for you!! Keep up the good work mama!! You look like you always have it together :) xoxo

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    1. Thank you, Kimmie! I don't always feel that way, only because I don't have anything figured out. I just try to make a really great go at it! ;) So happy that everyone can enjoy my posts!! Xoxo

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