Thursday, February 2, 2012

Chronicle 5: Inner Beauty

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~ Bhagwan Sree Rajneesh

Becoming a mother has to be one of the most life altering experiences a person can have. When I was pregnant with my son, I began the process of accepting that my life would never be the same. Instead of buying bestsellers in bulk on Amazon, I hit up the local Babies R Us and waddled home with a stack of thick baby and parenting books. Compelling stuff.

My life was a blur of endless doctor appointments, buying maternity clothes that would fit my ever expanding belly, and stocking up on all baby essentials. It was surreal. It was amazing. It was…lonely.


Yes, lonely! My life seemed to be taking a completely different direction from everyone around me. And my baby belly made it difficult to do a lot of things I loved doing. I was gaining the most precious gift in the world, but I was also losing who I was.

I didn’t come to this realization until recently, when I noticed a stack of books on the bedside table that had been left untouched for months. MONTHS! Even when I have the time, I turn to tidying up the house, or laundry, or something mindless like watching pregnant 16 year olds make horrible life decisions on TV. This coming from a woman who could toss back a novel a day, and write a 10 page paper in a few hours!
"Have fun livin' on the streets wif ya boyyyfwennd, Juhnelle!"

Those poor girls have no idea who they are, but I have a pretty good idea who I am, and what makes me happy. When I was creating a Facebook page for The Hot Mama, it asked me to list my interests. I was quick to type out a long list including reading, writing, and drawing…all things I’ve put on the back burner since becoming a mama. It’s time, mamas! My son is always first and foremost in my mind and life, but how can I give him what he deserves if I am not happy?

We may all have different definitions of inner beauty. For me, it involves being a well-rounded person: Going to the art museum, spending quality time with family and friends, not just reading, but getting involved in a novel, learning new things, and meeting new people. I become a better person. I maintain happiness.

This blog was my first step, my baby step, towards strengthening my inner beauty. We all go through phases where we hunker down and just survive, doing whatever it takes to make it through the day. But I want my son to know me as I really am. I want to set a healthy inner beauty example, so one day he will be able to do the same for his children.

So, what are your favorite ways to satisfy your inner beauty? Be sure to leave a comment, and as always, come see me again, you hot mama, you!

The Hot Mama

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  1. I love this! I was kind of having a "moment" today (hormonal much?!) about losing my identity as I plan for baby. Pregnancy is kind of a weird time. I feel like I'm suspended between who I was and who I'm going to be. Does that make any sense? I won't be surprised if it doesn't. Haha. I keep having these freak out moments with Brian where I'll tell him that we're never going to get drinks with our friends again, we'll never go on dates, I'll never read books (other than board books!) anymore. Luckily, once I've calmed down I realize that we/I will do all those things again. You know what they say, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

    1. It makes total sense, Lora! Pregnancy is such a transition phase, and there are so many changes happening that it can be overwhelming. I felt that way a little bit when I got married, too. But trust me, once you and baby are adjusted, you will be able to feel like yourself again. My mom watches Baby G all the time so hubby and I can grab dinner, or even run errands together. And there's always nap time to do what makes you happy (G is sleeping right now, in fact!). Don't feel bad for having those moments - it's your brain's way of making room for your little one :)

  2. I think we go through periods of losing track of who we are, or doing things we enjoy, and I imagine having a child is one of those times to the extreme. Although I guess in this case it's more like gaining another aspect of your identity, and figuring out how to maintain the other parts too. I love reading your blog, Jenn, and I am going to be so much better prepared for when I have children. :)

  3. You are so right, Lauren! It really is like adding another piece to the puzzle. I am a mom, but I am also a wife, and I am also myself. It took some reflection reeralize that those other parts of me weren't competing or overshadowing the others! Xoxo


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