Monday, February 27, 2012

Chronicle 11: The Award Show Showdown

Happy Monday, mamas! I hope you had an absolutely fabulous weekend. We sure did at the Hot Mama household. The best part of my hubby being gone all week is that we are super excited to see each other by the end of it all. It may not be the "can't get enough of each other, must suck face all the time" phase that we had at the beginning of our relationship, but for a four year + kid relationship, I don't hate it!
We are much more considerate of each other, which includes tolerating those deeply ingrained and annoying habits that drives the other spouse up the wall. Including, but not limited to: Nail biting, leaving used tissues around the house, leaving a peanut buttered knife in the sink without rinsing it off, "forgetting" to refill the Brita when it's empty, hogging the iPad, etc., etc. When you get comfortable, you get a bit selfish. 

What my whole diatribe is leading up to is the fact that this time of year, if the TV is on, so is a basketball game. I grew up watching sports, and I may have even tried every single sport out there (before I finally realized I am the least athletic person on the planet). But months and months of one sport seems like overkill, right? WRONG...according to the entire male population, and some very good lady friends of mine. But I ask you this: would our loving companions be willing to sit through hours and months of watching ballet? Men and women leaping and prancing around to classical music?! I THINK NOT! Soooo one sided, fellas.
Pretending to be bored with sports is usually my bargaining tool when Maid in Manhattan is on TBS for the 50th time, or I need a Miss Congeniality fix. However, since we never see each other anymore, the bargaining has given way to, "Oh, look, hun! Five hours of Oscar coverage!" Score, a direct hit! I suppose it's the same wiring in the brain that enables me to watch hours and hours of red carpet, while hubby can watch hours and hours of basketball. And now, for your entertainment, the reason why I can watch Miss Congeniality so many times:

I. cannot. stop. laughing.

Moving on. 

Doesn't it feel as if we JUST saw the 2011 Grammys and the Oscars? Maybe it is because I have been watching too many Rachel Zoe reruns, but it literally feels as if we are watching these award shows all year long. No complaints here... it just BAFFLES me. Now, if you weren't aware, celebrities see the Grammys as a chance to fly their fashion freak flag. It is a much more casual event than the Oscars, and you see all sorts of, shall we say, interesting choices.
Nikki Minaj must have been creeping behind the scenes of Twilight's New Moon, because she looks like she could blend in perfectly with the Roman festival shown at the end of the movie. She is a beautiful woman, trying way too hard to top Lady Gaga. Enough, Minaj! We get it... you're different.
Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas went for a slightly less political outfit, and instead opted for...well, less of an outfit, period. We got a look at her raven granny panties peeking through a tight fitting doily, which seemed to be RIT-dyed a fancy flourescent orange. Which complemented her umm, "tan" glow quite nicely, might I add. Mamas, I would MUCH rather see a fake tan over a real tan any day, but with all that money and all those stylists, how does she still manage to cast such a tangerine hue?
Lady Gaga made a very understated appearance on the carpet this year, in contrast to last year when she curled into a large egg and was hoisted by Caesar's Palace inspired Grecians into the venue. In fact, I don't remember seeing her on the carpet at all. She kept it simple with a scepter and an all black ensemble, but the crazy eyes were running wild all night. We love you Gaags! I feel like she must be hoarding all her creative energy for another amazing album.

There actually were some beautiful dresses at the Grammys, but they were nothing compared with some of the dresses I drooled over at the Oscars last night. The Oscars always make me so nostalgic, with the old Hollywood glamour and the inevitable homage to film's evolution through the years. Women sparkle and dazzle, dressed by some of my favorite designers in very classic silhouettes.
These pictures do not do Jennifer Lopez's custom Zuhair Murad dress any justice whatsoever. She simply sparkled and shimmered in this silvery pleated dress. Words don't even do it justice! Her dress moved in a subtle and slinky way, and accentuated her curves ("ASSets" would have been the better, yet more obvious wording here). The deep v-neck was super sexy, but not over the top or slutty. And the cutout sleeves provided even more visual interest, but not in an overbearing way. It was like butta!
Penelope Cruz wore this gorgeous baby blue dress by Armani Prive, which totally reminds me of the dress Sleeping Beauty wears at the end of the movie. You know... the one that kept changing from pink to blue? This gauzy off the shoulder look could have hinted toward the 80s in any other color, but it only highlighted Penelope's beautiful skin tone and decollete, and allowed for a simple diamond necklace, earrings, and bracelet. I had visions of myself riding away on a horse wearing this dress, Runaway Bride style. Love!
Everyone is talking about Angelina, and her gaunt cheeks and toothpick wings. What is with the "I wont eats cheezburger" look? I know she is running around after 115 kids these days, but really? This Atelier Versace practically swallowed her whole, leaving us a glimpse of an escaped limb that resembled a malnourished Barbie leg. Honey, get some help. If you need some extra weight, chop off your man's mane and attach it to yourself!!

There were so many more that I simply adored, but this post is getting rather long, mamas. Were you able to watch the Oscars or the Grammys? What looks did you lust over and which sent you hitting the ground laughing? Would you be interested in a Part 2?

Be sure to leave a comment, and come back soon!

The Hot Mama

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  1. What was up with the awkward, leg-sticking-out pose thing Angelina did while she was on stage? Apparently the "leg" already has a Twitter feed. Hilarious.

    1. Sarah, I totally agree! I just updated my post with a picture of her because I can not get over her current appearance. Thanks for reading! xoxo


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