Chronicle 63: Last Minute Gift Giving Guide

Now that the Halloween sugar high has crashed, and we've regained all our formerly lost baby weight during multiple Thanksgiving feasts, the gift giving season has officially commenced! 

Whether you're buckling down for birthdays, anniversaries, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Christmas... chances are you need something to give your loved ones. If you're anything like me, you want the gift to be thoughtful and unique, but you don't have the time or energy to go traipsing around a billion stores while shlepping two octopuses around. And by octopus I mean child. And by child I mean eight legged creature who grabs everything in sight.

I've gotten pretty damn good at online shopping. So leave it to me, ladies. I've done the research, logged the man hours, and waited like a teenage girl by the phone for the post man to drop off mountains of boxes. I'm pretty sure I impressed him with my ninja quickness at opening the door and snatching receiving the packages. 

Quick Shipping

If you're looking for a super quick ship, Amazon is always the way to go. I bit the bullet and signed up for Prime when I first started teaching, and I never looked back. Two day shipping, baby! And 99.9% of the time it has reached me within 1-2 days. There was one time it took a LOT longer (three days, GOD), but it was an issue with the mail carrier. 

This is literally a one stop shop. You got your toys, your books, your music, your cooking utensils, your sex toys, your rugs, your purses, and your personal nose hair groomer. I mean, everyone on the list is covered.

A very accurate depiction

What I love most about Amazon is that their prices are competitive, you don't have to fight other moms hopped up on caffeine in the toy aisle or stand in a ridiculously long checkout line, and they even offer toys without that crazy cardboard (paper cut-inducing) packaging.

Unique Gifts 

Another site I discovered this year was Uncommon Goods. They have something for pretty much every age and interest, and their shipping is FAST. I got my shipments within two days, and they were neatly packaged in a blue box with a cute little gift card tucked under the satin ribbon bow. I opted for gift wrapping, because, hello! Exhausted (which is a fancy word for lazy). 

What I really like about this site is the uniqueness of the gifts and the price ranges. You can get something for less than $25 or buy the BIG GIFT. You know, the one big gift that towers over all the other little ones? Yeah. They got it. Checked most of my extended family off the list with this site.

My favorites: a bubble wrap calendar, scotch infused toothpicks, and this cheese and crackers board which makes presentation neat and easy!

 

Gifts that Give Back

*BESTIE present alert!!* If you're looking for gifts that support others, check out The Shine Project. I stumbled across their profile on Instagram after falling in love with their jewelry. The story is even more amazing.

This incredible effort serves to empower women who want to better themselves through education, but may not currently have the financial means to do so. The founder, Ashley LeMieux, also works directly with their families to help better their living conditions. The Shine Project has teamed up with companies like LulaRoe to create beautiful jewelry and clothing that serves a desperate need.

There are so many other worthwhile sites that sell awesome gifts while supporting others. However, quick tip: Do some research before you commit. Some of the most recognizable or common charities actually cause more problems than good, or don't donate as much as you would think. This is the one place where spending time and energy is necessary!

OK, y'all. The holidays are a stressful time and if we can diminish that and enjoy ourselves even a little, then this post was well worth it. Kick back, grab a cocktail, and click away!

Joy, love, peace & alcohol, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 60: To the Mob Mentality Mamas

If we are friends on my personal Facebook profile then you may have noticed I've been posting some very personal things lately. This particular personal struggle has been overwhelming, life changing, emotionally & physically exhausting, confusing, isolating, amazing, you name it. I'm talking about Sensory Processing Disorder, which my son and I both have.

In a nutshell, a very LITTLE nutshell, sensory processing disorder is a neurological condition that affects how a person reacts to stimuli. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches will send our body into fight or flight mode. ALL. DAY. You can imagine how exhausting it can be with adrenaline constantly coursing through our bodies telling us that the ceiling fan, traffic noise, dishwasher, sock seams, shirt tags, etc. are too much to handle and we need to ESCAPE. NOW. or fight back with our words, our attitudes, our bodies.

There wasn't a name for this, really, when I was growing up. The symptoms of SPD can mirror those of Autism and ADHD, and I didn't exhibit obvious behaviors associated with autism and ADHD. How does a child explain or even know that what they're feeling isn't normal, or that they should be given specific tools to deal with a variety of situations? So, I taught myself and never talked about it. This is how I deal with it: I don't wear socks, EVER. I don't spend a lot of time around crowds. I disappear to my room when I can't handle noises. I text instead of call. I leave the mall, grocery store, or restaurant when I'm overwhelmed. Hearing someone chew is my personal hell - sometimes the movie theater can be, too. A lot of times my senses trigger fight mode to the point where rage builds up and I explode. I'm only human, after all.

Luckily, when Grayson started exhibiting signs of SPD I was on it. We consulted several doctors and now he is seeing an occupational therapist and making great strides in a Montessori preschool. The structured environment works well for him. Every day is a constant struggle. Not only is Grayson very energetic, but he is compulsively inquisitive, curious, and unintentionally aggressive with others. Everyone always says, "He LOOKS normal. You would never know something is wrong with him." Or the classic, "He's ALL boy, idn't he?"

How do I put this? Nothing is "wrong" with my son. We are dealing with a different set of challenges than you. Which is why I hate the special needs label he has acquired. Putting a label on Grayson entitles other people to treat him differently, to judge him, to see him as flawed and damaged, to expect less of him, to exclude him from mainstream society, to pity him, and to categorize him as a nuisance. How do I know this to be true? We have already experienced it first hand. And thus, I have written an open letter to the women who surrounded my son and I at the playground last week.



To the Mob Mentality Mamas at the playground:

I'm sure it was easy for you to misjudge the situation. One minute your children were playing happily on the jungle gym, and the next they were running to you with tears on their cheeks. They tell you through hiccuping sobs that a little boy hit them. "Who?" you demand, standing up to find the culprit. Up until that moment you had been chatting with your friend and staring at your phone, allowing your 18 month old to navigate the massive playground alone.

"That boy! In the plaid shirt!" Immediately scanning the playground, you don't see another mom, except for the one bent over a stroller, trying to strap in an acrobatic toddler who clearly would rather still be running around.

An older woman steps in, the weight of God-like judgement burdening her. "PLAID SHIRT! WHO DOES THAT KID BELONG TO?!" She repeats it several times until the mom at the stroller stands up, dazed and confused. She had literally just walked away from her son to put her daughter in the stroller. A mere minute, and now chaos was unfolding.

Sound dramatic? It was. After I was beckoned by the older woman, Grayson came out of the play area saying that the moms had told him he didn't belong. He came over to me, confused, clearly knowing he had done something wrong, but not understanding the situation. I was a bit confused myself. Grayson is sensory seeking, meaning that his neurological system needs deep input or pressure to stabilize. Sometimes he will bump into things or people to get the input he needs. Rarely does he push or shove to get that input, especially without provocation. The way he reacts to being overwhelmed can come across as misbehavior to those that don't know him, and don't know SPD. Believe me, he DOES know right from wrong.

Clearly, the children we were dealing with were angels and had no responsibility in the situation whatsoever. I brushed that snarky thought aside as I bent down to talk with him. "Grayson, it is never ok to hit or push, for any reason. Let's go speak with our friends and hear what they have to say." (I was pretty damn proud of myself for handling it this way. In reality I wanted to curse, punch, scream, and yell myself. I kept my cool knowing they would never hear my message if I got defensive. Again... really proud.)

We walked over to the children, who had been lined up in a row. The parents began to surround us. Really! They literally formed a circle around us, including the older woman and her friend who said, "We don't have any children involved in this." (Ummm, ok? Then why ARE you involved?) I could read anger and judgement on their faces, their arms were crossed, their body language was actually pretty menacing. I imagined tiny pitchforks in their non iPhone holding hands. It felt like West Side Story without song and dance to break the tension. Breathing deep and trying to calm my fluttering heart, I had Grayson speak to each child, apologizing and asking if they were ok. They each nodded, tears already dry. They were eager to return to playing and ran off immediately. The parents remained, staring at me.

I gathered Grayson up and said, "My son has Sensory Processing Disorder, and we are working on the social aspect." As much as I hated to say it, it worked. Their faces immediately softened, they actually took a step back, and then muttered an "It's ok" before walking away.

Of course I was MORTIFIED and Grayson had a meltdown as we left. He wanted some cinnamon pretzels, a request that was clearly denied. I wanted to dig a hole and hide. And then came the flood of retorts, the imagined things I would say and do given a second chance, all of which I cannot repeat.

I stick by how I handled it. My friend was there and watched the whole thing unfold. She could not believe what had happened. If Grayson was indeed "normal", then pushing is still developmentally appropriate for his age. What child hasn't acted out? What behavior exactly would justify closing in on a mom and her 4 year old son at the playground?

I will tell you this, mob mentality mamas. I'm glad you were there. I am glad you learned there may be a reason to stop before judging a child or mother. Or that this open letter reaches to hearts that need it. Thank you for teaching me that I can handle situations like this - that we will survive, and hopefully educate others about a disorder that can't be seen on the face or body of a child.

Sincerely,

The Hot Mama & her son <3

For more information on SPD: http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder/

Chronicle 55: Number Two

Ahhh, number two. Could be that you planned it. Could be that the little devil snuck up on you until one day... PLOP! Just couldn't hold it in any more. Little, big... doesn't matter. This puppy will change your life forever.

Oh, shit! You thought I was talking about *whispers* number TWO? I meant the second CHILD! Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, people!

I never formally announced that we had another baby, but considering my readers are mostly friends and family, I thought, you know, that you already knew...

But for those people who just happened across my corner of cyber space (probably Googling baby fashion or sore nipples), I HAD A ANOTHER BABY!! YEAH! The snark is strong with me today, son.

How number two has thrown us for a poop. I mean, a loop.

1. Our oldest child has become a servant, parent in training, very special helper!  This is a conversation my, um, friend had with her son recently while she was trying to nurse a wiggling 10 month old with FANGS adorable brand new teeth (who had just decided to blow out of the ruffly $50 outfit from Grandma):

"Hey honey, can you run upstairs and get Mommy a diaper? Yeah, upstairs. IN THE DRAWER! IN THE BIG WHITE DRAWER! No, in your sister's room. YOUR SISTER'S!" When he brought down his favorite pair of underpants instead, I...um SHE just smiled while crying inside.

2. Where in the sweet potato is... ?!?!?! Everything is suddenly missing. Stuff that you wouldn't dream was possible to lose. The baby's entire collection of 20 bottles, your son's favorite toy screw driver, the fake spiral topiary that used to be on the mantle, step stools, potty chairs, and entire couch cushions. Where in the KALE CHIPS do these things GO!??!?!? Either that, or they turn up covered in sticky unremovable substances. Martha Stewart, are you for sale?

3. LAUNDRY. We are at the point where we all wear one outfit a day. SO WHY IS IT that we are doing two loads of laundry EVERY NIGHT? GRRRRFLALAKJDBkhgsvcjaghfd I can't even.

4. My ride. I drove a crossover with one child and now, due to a lack of room situation, we upgraded to a full on SUV. I love it, but the closer I get to owning a mini-van, the closer I feel to losing my sanity. This birth control better not fail, because I will not be purchasing a big ol' van any time soon EVER!!!

5. Sorry, not sorry, but I am never 100% squeaky clean. Because KIDS.
"Just took a shower, Ma? Here, let me barf on your leg."

"Oh, Dad, so glad to hear you got this shirt back from the dry cleaner's. Let me wipe a snail trail of snot on the shoulder."

"Just spent 45 minutes on your hair and makeup, Mommy? I've got some super sticky yogurt that will add a nice pop of color. Let me make sure it gets on every single layer so you have to wash it again."

I can't fail to mention all the dried cheerios, puffs, goldfish and other cracker type crap that manages to glue itself to my BUTT!

And  that, my friends, is just a sample of how number two has flushed my former life away. Yeah, yeah enough with the lame jokes. But seriously, I've gotta go.

xoxo,
Hot Mama

Chronicle 54: Holidazed & Confused

I love loved the holidays. Getting together with friends and family, taking part in longstanding traditions (awkward small talk until you remembered that you grew up with this person and have many hilarious memories together). I used to bask in sweater weather, eat too much turkey and gravy, and spend hours sprawled on the floor looking at old family photos.

When I got pregnant with my son, I was so excited to share moments like these with him. I couldn't wait to teach him the perfect dressing to green bean ratio, or watch him joyously discover the fun of running around with cousins while the grownups watched with knowing smiles. This was all before reality sunk in.

It's no secret that having small children is difficult. But there is a HUGE difference between "knowing" and KNOWING. Perhaps you don't have children yet, or it has been awhile since you've had little ones in the house. You may feel a certain sympathy for the mom juggling a plate of cranberry sauce and a newborn. Or the Dad chasing after the son who is going after Grandma's breakables. It might even be a bit funny to watch prized knick knacks wobbling toward the edge of the table. Later? It will be funny to me, too. Now... well, here's what you DON'T know.

Mom had a sleepless night before Thanksgiving because the baby was in a strange place and would not sleep in her portable crib. The little bundle of sweetness has graciously started teething and no longer requires that swaddle you found on some obscure website. Also, the months it took to convince said baby that Mom was not a pacifier have been shot to hell overnight. Add in some tryptophan and Mom's ready to plummet face first into her plate.

The son slept soundly in his inflatable bed on the floor of the guest room,  but you would never know it, because he is running around in circles and bouncing off walls like a pinball to burn off energy. Usually he gets to play outside, but it's cold and everyone is inside. The only thing that will keep him still and occupied for a minute is watching YouTube videos on Dad's phone. Cue the judgement.

The food is delicious and heavenly, but after the second baby the weight just won't come off. Please don't tell Mom she looks great as she balances a plate of food on her wobbly stomach. Thanksgiving dinner looks like too many nights at the gym that she will never have time for. Appreciate the thought, though.

The parents have not had a spare moment alone since the oldest was born. Holidays included. All the teenagers and college kids acting all moony and the older couples who don't even make eye contact any more make them feel alone and depressed. Divide and conquer, and hope that someday they will be reunited. WE. ARE. SPARTAAA!

What you realllly won't see is the aftermath. Children thrive on schedules, so even if the travel is for "just a few days", this throws children off and sends them careening on a downward spiral... with consequences lasting for days. Days = months in parenthood. It's science.

The son will refuse to nap. So will the baby. There will be LOTS of crying and tantrums. It will bleed into school the following Monday. Then an explanation to teachers will be expected. "It was a rough weekend. That must be why my son beaned you over the head with his Lego tower." Awkward.

The bags will lay unpacked in the parent's room for days. Laundry will pile up and baby girl will have to wear big brother's old onesies. OLD. She will scream and cry at the indignity. Mom and Dad will finally get a breather after coaxing the children into bed by threatening them with "Santa won't come if...!". The parents will then promptly fall asleep to Netflix. At 8:00 p.m.

What I want to constantly scream is "We're battling sheer exhaustion! Nothing will fix that, not even sleep!" To you a day or so of travel may seem like nothing. To us it's like Mount Everest.

The truth? I love you. I love you ALL. But when it comes to dealing with small children, please try to understand. I love my sanity and my schedule more. For now. 

"It's just one year."

Happy Holidays,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 35: Independence Day (by Day)

My son doesn't need me.

Ok, I'm being melodramatic. What I mean to say is, it FEELS as though my son needs me less and less. Which is one of those things that puts a little crack in my heart. Of course I am thrilled when he demonstrates another milestone proudly, puffing out his baby chest and slapping on a toothy grin. How can I do anything but melt into a mommy puddle at his chubby little feet?

After I reassemble myself this devilish part of my brain starts talking. "He can feed himself now. You don't have to do THAT anymore." Or this, "Those bruised knees means he is crawling. Away. From YOU!" Oh, man. Harsh. The best and worst, simultaneously? Putting himself to sleep. I rock him less, but he cries less. I don't nurse him to sleep, but... I don't nurse him to sleep. Wahhhh.

See what I mean? It's the best thing for him, obviously. It is good for me, too. Learning to let go and help shape his independence is a blessing.

And a curse.

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 33: Have You Heard this Bird?

I go through spurts where I hear a new band or singer that I like and just scoop up a batch of c.d.s on Amazon. I put her in my cart on a whim, because I was not impressed by her SNL performance. Glad I took a chance - Miss Lana Del Ray is unlike anything I've heard in awhile!

What do you think of her unique style?

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 30: Say What?! Wednesdays

Ladies & gents, I have an announcement! I'm psyched to share with you the beginning of a new series on The Hot Mama Chronicles called Say What?! Wednesdays. Due to an enormous response (comments, e-mails, etc.) to my last post on New Mama Insider Info, I have developed a series of topics to discuss in-depth for new mamas, mamas to be AND future mamas to be. Something for everyone!

I will cover all the important stuff, like post-baby body, breast-feeding, your relationship with your partner, getting back into the swing of things, and much, much more! Look for the first installment next Wednesday, May 16th! I am so excited to hear feedback from you all!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 28: My Current Music Obsession

This has been on repeat in our house for weeks! Good thing Baby G is accepting of repetition... My husband, who still thrives on 90s rock like Metallica, has even jumped on the bandwagon. I love the funkiness of the video, too. Strange looking man covered in geometric shapes? COUNT ME IN!

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 26: Say What?! New Mama Insider Info

Here is what I know: Being a parent is like living on Mars. Minus all the heat and weird gases. Ok, plus the weird gases and minus the heat. It literally feels as if you're living on a different planet than everyone else. Well, other than people who are in your exact same position.

Here are some things I absolutely did not know about and have not heard anyone talk openly about (until I asked):

Nursing

It's so much more difficult than you imagine. I literally thought you were supposed to pop the baby on the boob and let him drink away. Not so. There are different types of holds and the baby has to latch on correctly and you have to come to a mutal agreement with your child about when and where to breastfeed. And they BARELY eat the first few days. Which is why they actually lose a bit of weight that first week, but trust me, it is fine. Scary, but fine.

Honestly, it hurts like hell. It's like purple nurples every time they eat for a few weeks. Then the nips toughen up and nursing becomes a habit (if you decide to pursue it). When your milk comes in, you may or not feel as if you magically received breast implants. I was so swollen, that I had to make a 10 o'clock run to Babies R Us to buy a pump, then proceeded to pump all the way home.

Also, your baby will scratch your chest up with their tiny little claws and you will look like your breasts got into a bar fight with a rosebush. I was too scared to cut G's nails forever, so I wore high necked tops for months. Now that he is teething, I have bite marks and bruises. Fun.

Friendships...

come and go, but never more so than during major life changes like getting married or having babies. There are people who just can't handle the fact that you aren't going out/drinking like you used to, or they're jealous of your happiness, or they are just plain in a different phase of their lives.

Your schedule changes dramatically for awhile, and kids can be so unpredictable that you need understanding family and friends if you have to cancel or rearrange plans. I'm lucky to have people like this in my life!

The good news is that, as a new parent, you can meet so many new friends that know exactly what you're going through. Great meeting places include: the park, the gym, the library (story hour!), the grocery, through friends and family, church, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part is getting up the courage to strike up a conversation and then follow through by making plans. It's a lot like dating: you really have to see if everyone is compatible! I am still in the "working up the courage" phase, but I'm lucky to have several mommy friends already.

SEX

Oh, yes I did. Surprisingly, you recover from (natural) delivery fairly quickly. That doesn't mean that you wanna jump right back in the sack as soon as you feel pain free. Because, yes, it hurts the first time you have sex. It reminds me of Jessica from HBO's True Blood who was turned into a vampire as a virgin. Which means that every time she gets down is literally like the first time. And it feels like that for awhile.

My advice? Lots of lube. And patience. And HUMOR. It goes a long way. Just remember there are a lot of other things you can do with your hubby, including non-sexual activities that are still intimate like showering together, massages, cuddling, breakfast in bed, etc. Like many other things after having a baby, this is temporary and while it may be more difficult to find time with your man, it can (and must!) be done. You just have to become a bit more creative!

Competition

I am not a competitive person by nature, but when I'm out and about I cannot help comparing myself to other parents and my little man to other babies. What is that baby doing that my son isn't? What do I do way better than that parent? I would never do that. My son will never act like that in public... It goes on and on. Why do we do this? Human nature, I suppose. But I really try to keep it to a minimum because every single child goes at their own pace. And nothing is wrong with that by any means. Who am I to judge and compare? My son and I are happy and healthy and that is all I can ask for. (It still creeps in sometimes. Hey, I can't help it!)

Your turn, mamas! What are some things that shocked you as a new mama? What would advice would you give to a new parent that you would have liked to receive? 

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 25: A Brief Hiatus

So I took a brief hiatus: from blogging, from life, from everything, really. It's been one of those weeks. No, make that month. Or even year, if you'd like. I feel as if I'm living two very different lives at the moment, and the distance between the two is stark and startling, and frankly, I lack the energy to figure it out at the moment.

My life as a mother is just right. It's baby bear's porridge, with extra sugar and cream and a temperature that warms your tummy, but leaves your tastebuds intact. My life makes sense. I have a purpose. My lungs breathe for him. My heart swells and breaks and mends itself a thousand times a day. It is simultaneously the hardest and greatest thing I have ever done.

And, at this point, I am doing most of it single handedly.

I'm half of a whole, yes. But while my husband's away each week, I become the whole. I try too hard to be the mother and the father. I encourage independence, yet I cling to my son. I play rough and tumble, then lament over our bruised knees and carpet burns. I butt in on their sacred bath time, then read books about a mama's love in soft whispers. I weep at the drop of a hat, only to quickly dry my son's tears and catapult into distractions.

So you see? Jekyll and Hyde. One moment I'm filled with joy, and the next? Despair and, yes, loneliness.  I miss my partner, my lover, my friend. Not only do I miss my husband, but I miss our family as a unit. Our mundane rhythm. The daily moments that seem so routine and boring, until they're disrupted. I mourn the fact that he has missed, and will miss, G's most transformative time.

I was completely overcome this weekend when my baby crawled for the very first time! I could see him gearing up for it all week. Tummy time transformed into popping up onto all fours and rocking and rolling towards an unknown destination. By midweek he had begun to look down and check out his knees while he lunged forward, desperately grasping for the glowing remote.

Saturday was THE day...tentative moments that resulted in alternating hands and knees. A brief movement that caused G great bewilderment when I burst into tears as my husband clapped his hands and lunged in for a hug.

For that one moment, I forgot everything and felt content. Felt whole.

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 21: Truths & Discoveries

Do you ever have a sudden moment of clarity? As in, you've heard the same cliches over and over again, but it just doesn't ring true until it is relevant in your own life? Parenting is JUST like that. I feel as if I have a revelation every single day. Sometimes it is just an affirmation of a revelation I had the day before. Anyhow, I have compiled an even numbered list of these new truths and discoveries. Six, in fact. See? Even number. That's my OCD shining through. So lovely.

Six Truths & Discoveries of Parenthood:

1. Fear vs. Faith
My last post contended with a pretty heavy realization: I can either live each day in complete, paralyzing fear that something may happen to any of my loved ones, or I can have faith that every thing will work out the way it's supposed to. It sounds simple enough, but when I look at my son and try to grasp how much I love him, I pretty much fall to paranoid pieces. I've realized that it is time to let go of what I cannot control. Spending every waking moment worried that I'm going to get a horrible phone call will not stop it. I would rather spend that time enjoying my family and working on my happiness, instead! To read a more in-depth analysis, check out Chronicle 20: Fear vs. Faith.

2. You will cry...ALOT
I was a fairly sensitive person before I had my son. I might have cried at the end of E.T., or listening to my brother play a beautiful piece on his violin. Now I am an emotional mess. I have now cried at the following: a Geico commercial, a particularly moving episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the thought of grocery shopping, finding an actual bra that fits (not a sports bra), Word with Friends, and every single stage of my son's development. I teared up just now writing about crying. I try to avoid certain movies, TV shows, and books because I know they will trigger a cry fest. I see every thing from a mother's perspective, and perhaps the hormones are still raging. It's just become a fact of life.

3. Everything has changed. Especially you.
Your friends are still going out and you're staying in with a teething baby. You may lose some of these friends. You WILL gain others. You would rather sleep next to your spouse than with them. You stop doing your own laundry and concentrate on the baby's. Your parents and in-laws call and visit much more often. MUCH more. People come to visit the baby, not you. You find yourself excited that the baby finally pooped, that your nipples are not as sore, that you can finally wear something other than pajamas and sweatpants. You settle for a good ponytail, rather than those "messy" beach waves. You are different. You are stronger. You are experiencing love that will never fade.

4. Being a parent is like being in a club.
No, not as in The Viper Room. Like, the "You understand the bags under my eyes and the throw up on my t-shirt" club. You talk to random mamas at the park, in the grocery store. You have a new appreciation for the frazzled-looking mom shuffling her kids into a McDonald's because she's too tired to cook. You congratulate a new mom for merely getting out of the house (did that today at Victoria's Secret. Although I wonder what she was doing THERE. I'm just now wanting to step foot in that place...SEVEN months later.) You nod in agreement when another mama describes exactly how you've been feeling or going through with your babe. You can talk about bottle brands for hours and whether you like Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby better (I prefer the latter). Stuff that may seem mundane to anyone else is fodder for mamas. Welcome to the club!

5. The little things become more important than the big things (for now).
Say whaaat? Let me put it this way. Big thing: lunch and shopping with friends. Little thing: Baby's nap. What wins? NAP ALL THE WAY, FOLKS. Because a cranky baby is a cranky mom is a cranky dad. We are even cutting Easter short this year because all of the activities fall around Baby G's nap time. The good news is that this is a sacrifice that will only last a few years. At this point, I need these naps as much as he does!

6. Your child IS amazing. 

I am the mama who is obsessed with her baby. Every single thing he does seems like a tiny miracle. He moves a toy from here to there? INCREDIBLE. He blinks? BRAVO! I used to be annoyed by parents that bragged about their child's seemingly mundane accomplishments, but now I GET IT. However, I'm not about to slap an Honor Student bumper sticker on my SUV. I'm content capturing these moments on video and film to share with people who show interest. Or, I will watch them myself!

What discoveries have you made since becoming a parent? What are some cliches that are now tried and true in your life? Looking forward to hearing from you!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 20: Fear vs. Faith

After putting Peanut down for the night, I usually unwind with a book, or listen to some records while sipping a glass of wine, or peruse the "heavy" sections of the paper while my husband stares at me adoringly from across the living room...

PSYCHE! I WATCH TV. There, I said it. I unwind by watching a trainwreck of a reality show, or catching up on backlogged episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 (that I DVR every day). So, a few nights ago, I was all caught up on my stories, and looking for something uplifting. 

Enter E! and the True Hollywood Story of Giuliana Rancic. I've always thought Giuliana was adorable; she is super cheeky and chic...y. She makes crazy celebrity gossip seem like something important and exciting. And she is always honest and open about her personal life and struggles. I was so saddened when I heard about her being diagnosed with breast cancer. So saddened, in fact, that I started to cry.

Now, I don't know about all you mamas, or soon to be mamas, out there, but I cry ALOT now. Like every day. Sometimes more than once. Sometimes more than twice. So there I was, on the couch, remote in one hand, half-eaten Cadbury Creme Egg in the other, bawling my eyes out. But... quietly, so as not to wake the bebe.

Then, for no reason at all I got scared. Scared that baby G wasn't breathing (checked video monitor...he was fine). Scared that my husband's taxi got in an accident on the way back to his hotel (paranoid call...he was safe and sound, ordering chocolate cake from room service. Wait... I WANT chocolate cake!!) Scared that my eating habits will make me have a heart attack. Darn...no chocolate cake for me. But most of all, just plain scared that something would happen to any of my loved ones. 

Right as I was about to start hyperventilating (silently of course), I heard Giuliana's husband say something profound. He was talking about Giuliana's attitude about breast cancer and he said that we have a choice. We can either live by fear or we can live by faith. HOLD. THE. PHONE. How many times have I heard something similar? "Worrying is like a rocker, you never get anywhere" or "Let go, and let God." But combined? And so simplified? And so REAL? Never.

I don't claim to be religious. I've struggled with organized religion and the messages they put out in the world. Do not misunderstand me; I am so grateful that we have the freedom and are able to find comfort and something to believe in. But I look at my son, and how my body put him together and I feel as if there has to be something out there, orchestrating and planning and watching us grow. My life has come to a point where I'm ready to accept that there's more to life than just me and what I want. It's 100% scary giving up that bit of control. But Bill Rancic was absolutely right...it IS fear vs. faith. It's a choice, one you have to make every day. Quite the commitment.

I feel a bit better when I realize that faith doesn't even have to pertain to religion. It just means I acknowledge that most things are out of my control, and I can either be a paranoid freak, or let go of the paralyzing fear. So I am. And I will. One day at a time. 

Readers, what fears do you have? What have you let go of? How does Faith vs. Fear inspire YOU?

Much love to you all.

Xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 12: The Ideal vs. Reality

Growing up, I would wait anxiously for Friday nights, when new episodes of the sickeningly cheery sitcom Full House would finally air. The week in between each episode felt like absolute torture. And missing a show? Completely out of the question. I knew that I would have to return to school on Monday without the knowledge of what had transpired in the Tanner household. And then endure bouts of jealousy as my friends chatted away about the particularly funny things Michelle said or did. I felt as if I had been left out of something important.

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That's what these types of shows do to us. They gloss over life's milestones, slap a band-aid over the boo-boos, and miraculously move on to bigger and better things. A 2 minute talk and voila, feelings are acknowledged and the issue is instantly resolved. Deep down we all know that is not how things work. However, we feel guilty that we can't make it work like they do. Why can't I forgive and forget as easily as the Tanners? Why can't I just confront the issue head on?

We felt as if their family was what the quintessential American family looked like, that their word was gospel, and every situation should turn out like theirs did each Friday night. I was completely reassured that I would grow up to raise a family that ate dinner together every night, and wholly supported every thing each member did, unselfishly. Ice cream sundaes after every home cooked meal. A father that could work at home instead of trekking into the office. An easy pregnancy and labor, with a few quirky mood swings that were laughed off and tolerated as a joke.

I had to laugh as I recently re-watched an episode of Full House. Becky, with a tiny body and basketball belly, cutely waddles out to Jesse, smiling. "Honey...it's time!" Jesse immediately does the rushing around gathering suitcases act, while Becky looks on smiling. No evidence of contractions or pain. She says that the "indigestion" she's been feeling is now 7 minutes apart.

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REALLY? Did ya not attend a Lamaze class or parent preparation course, BECKS? Confession time: it is not like TV or the movies in any way, shape, or form. If you're a normal human being, you don't walk around smiling when you start to feel contractions. Not for long at least. Also, surprisingly, most women's water doesn't break at home, or even at all (on its own). Another thing, Full House, they will send you right back HOME if your contractions aren't at least 3-5 minutes apart. That's right! They'll send your pregnant ass right back home. Sad. By the time you are ready to have your baby, your husband will be just as prepared as you. So don't worry, ladies, he won't drive off without you!

Why? Why on EARTH doesn't anyone sit us down and tell us the truth? I would rather be prepared for what I'm going to have to do, than be living in ignorant bliss and then shocked the hell out of when I'm finally hit with reality. So, I have compiled a list. Don't be scared, mamas! Reality is not always harsh. Sometimes it can be heartbreakingly beautiful and amazing. Feel free to add your own in the comments!

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Idealistic:

You will just "know" when it's time to go to the hospital.

Realistic:

You will spend much of your labor at home, timing contractions and moving around to help move things along. You will have time to inform family, load the car, have something light to eat, and drive to the hospital safely (and within the speed limit).

Idealistic:

You will bond with your baby as soon as he/she is born.

Realistic:

You're so mentally and physically exhausted after birth that you may not feel that connection right away. That is perfectly NORMAL and OK. You do not know anything about this new little life, except that you love them. It could take days or weeks to really understand how you feel. If it takes more than a month or so, please talk to your partner or your doctor. You may be dealing with post-partum depression.

Idealistic:

Your relationship with your partner will/will not change.

Realistic:

Your relationship with everyone will change, one way or another. You may get closer to certain people, and you will certainly drift away from some who are not in the same stage of life. This is also normal, and can be painful. Just know that you are going through a HUGE life change, and the people that want to stick around and support you are the most important people in your life. You WILL find alone time with your partner again, and you will resume a normal life eventually. TRUST me!

Idealistic:

Some moms have it all together.

Realistic:

There is not one single mom out there that has it all together or completely under control 100% of the time. Those that say they do are lying or delusional. Children affect your life in so many wonderful and unforeseeable ways. You're going to make mistakes because you're on a steep learning curve. It lessens with every child, but it is still there. You're going to be late. And, you're going to leave the house at least once with spit up or poop on your person. Just sayin'... be prepared. You know what helps? Laughing those moments off. Before you know it, your baby will grow up, and those moments will be gone.

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Love you, ladies! What were some of your idealistic expectations that were completely different in reality? Please share, I would love to hear your thoughts!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

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