Chronicle 60: To the Mob Mentality Mamas

If we are friends on my personal Facebook profile then you may have noticed I've been posting some very personal things lately. This particular personal struggle has been overwhelming, life changing, emotionally & physically exhausting, confusing, isolating, amazing, you name it. I'm talking about Sensory Processing Disorder, which my son and I both have.

In a nutshell, a very LITTLE nutshell, sensory processing disorder is a neurological condition that affects how a person reacts to stimuli. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches will send our body into fight or flight mode. ALL. DAY. You can imagine how exhausting it can be with adrenaline constantly coursing through our bodies telling us that the ceiling fan, traffic noise, dishwasher, sock seams, shirt tags, etc. are too much to handle and we need to ESCAPE. NOW. or fight back with our words, our attitudes, our bodies.

There wasn't a name for this, really, when I was growing up. The symptoms of SPD can mirror those of Autism and ADHD, and I didn't exhibit obvious behaviors associated with autism and ADHD. How does a child explain or even know that what they're feeling isn't normal, or that they should be given specific tools to deal with a variety of situations? So, I taught myself and never talked about it. This is how I deal with it: I don't wear socks, EVER. I don't spend a lot of time around crowds. I disappear to my room when I can't handle noises. I text instead of call. I leave the mall, grocery store, or restaurant when I'm overwhelmed. Hearing someone chew is my personal hell - sometimes the movie theater can be, too. A lot of times my senses trigger fight mode to the point where rage builds up and I explode. I'm only human, after all.

Luckily, when Grayson started exhibiting signs of SPD I was on it. We consulted several doctors and now he is seeing an occupational therapist and making great strides in a Montessori preschool. The structured environment works well for him. Every day is a constant struggle. Not only is Grayson very energetic, but he is compulsively inquisitive, curious, and unintentionally aggressive with others. Everyone always says, "He LOOKS normal. You would never know something is wrong with him." Or the classic, "He's ALL boy, idn't he?"

How do I put this? Nothing is "wrong" with my son. We are dealing with a different set of challenges than you. Which is why I hate the special needs label he has acquired. Putting a label on Grayson entitles other people to treat him differently, to judge him, to see him as flawed and damaged, to expect less of him, to exclude him from mainstream society, to pity him, and to categorize him as a nuisance. How do I know this to be true? We have already experienced it first hand. And thus, I have written an open letter to the women who surrounded my son and I at the playground last week.



To the Mob Mentality Mamas at the playground:

I'm sure it was easy for you to misjudge the situation. One minute your children were playing happily on the jungle gym, and the next they were running to you with tears on their cheeks. They tell you through hiccuping sobs that a little boy hit them. "Who?" you demand, standing up to find the culprit. Up until that moment you had been chatting with your friend and staring at your phone, allowing your 18 month old to navigate the massive playground alone.

"That boy! In the plaid shirt!" Immediately scanning the playground, you don't see another mom, except for the one bent over a stroller, trying to strap in an acrobatic toddler who clearly would rather still be running around.

An older woman steps in, the weight of God-like judgement burdening her. "PLAID SHIRT! WHO DOES THAT KID BELONG TO?!" She repeats it several times until the mom at the stroller stands up, dazed and confused. She had literally just walked away from her son to put her daughter in the stroller. A mere minute, and now chaos was unfolding.

Sound dramatic? It was. After I was beckoned by the older woman, Grayson came out of the play area saying that the moms had told him he didn't belong. He came over to me, confused, clearly knowing he had done something wrong, but not understanding the situation. I was a bit confused myself. Grayson is sensory seeking, meaning that his neurological system needs deep input or pressure to stabilize. Sometimes he will bump into things or people to get the input he needs. Rarely does he push or shove to get that input, especially without provocation. The way he reacts to being overwhelmed can come across as misbehavior to those that don't know him, and don't know SPD. Believe me, he DOES know right from wrong.

Clearly, the children we were dealing with were angels and had no responsibility in the situation whatsoever. I brushed that snarky thought aside as I bent down to talk with him. "Grayson, it is never ok to hit or push, for any reason. Let's go speak with our friends and hear what they have to say." (I was pretty damn proud of myself for handling it this way. In reality I wanted to curse, punch, scream, and yell myself. I kept my cool knowing they would never hear my message if I got defensive. Again... really proud.)

We walked over to the children, who had been lined up in a row. The parents began to surround us. Really! They literally formed a circle around us, including the older woman and her friend who said, "We don't have any children involved in this." (Ummm, ok? Then why ARE you involved?) I could read anger and judgement on their faces, their arms were crossed, their body language was actually pretty menacing. I imagined tiny pitchforks in their non iPhone holding hands. It felt like West Side Story without song and dance to break the tension. Breathing deep and trying to calm my fluttering heart, I had Grayson speak to each child, apologizing and asking if they were ok. They each nodded, tears already dry. They were eager to return to playing and ran off immediately. The parents remained, staring at me.

I gathered Grayson up and said, "My son has Sensory Processing Disorder, and we are working on the social aspect." As much as I hated to say it, it worked. Their faces immediately softened, they actually took a step back, and then muttered an "It's ok" before walking away.

Of course I was MORTIFIED and Grayson had a meltdown as we left. He wanted some cinnamon pretzels, a request that was clearly denied. I wanted to dig a hole and hide. And then came the flood of retorts, the imagined things I would say and do given a second chance, all of which I cannot repeat.

I stick by how I handled it. My friend was there and watched the whole thing unfold. She could not believe what had happened. If Grayson was indeed "normal", then pushing is still developmentally appropriate for his age. What child hasn't acted out? What behavior exactly would justify closing in on a mom and her 4 year old son at the playground?

I will tell you this, mob mentality mamas. I'm glad you were there. I am glad you learned there may be a reason to stop before judging a child or mother. Or that this open letter reaches to hearts that need it. Thank you for teaching me that I can handle situations like this - that we will survive, and hopefully educate others about a disorder that can't be seen on the face or body of a child.

Sincerely,

The Hot Mama & her son <3

For more information on SPD: http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder/

Chronicle 55: Number Two

Ahhh, number two. Could be that you planned it. Could be that the little devil snuck up on you until one day... PLOP! Just couldn't hold it in any more. Little, big... doesn't matter. This puppy will change your life forever.

Oh, shit! You thought I was talking about *whispers* number TWO? I meant the second CHILD! Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, people!

I never formally announced that we had another baby, but considering my readers are mostly friends and family, I thought, you know, that you already knew...

But for those people who just happened across my corner of cyber space (probably Googling baby fashion or sore nipples), I HAD A ANOTHER BABY!! YEAH! The snark is strong with me today, son.

How number two has thrown us for a poop. I mean, a loop.

1. Our oldest child has become a servant, parent in training, very special helper!  This is a conversation my, um, friend had with her son recently while she was trying to nurse a wiggling 10 month old with FANGS adorable brand new teeth (who had just decided to blow out of the ruffly $50 outfit from Grandma):

"Hey honey, can you run upstairs and get Mommy a diaper? Yeah, upstairs. IN THE DRAWER! IN THE BIG WHITE DRAWER! No, in your sister's room. YOUR SISTER'S!" When he brought down his favorite pair of underpants instead, I...um SHE just smiled while crying inside.

2. Where in the sweet potato is... ?!?!?! Everything is suddenly missing. Stuff that you wouldn't dream was possible to lose. The baby's entire collection of 20 bottles, your son's favorite toy screw driver, the fake spiral topiary that used to be on the mantle, step stools, potty chairs, and entire couch cushions. Where in the KALE CHIPS do these things GO!??!?!? Either that, or they turn up covered in sticky unremovable substances. Martha Stewart, are you for sale?

3. LAUNDRY. We are at the point where we all wear one outfit a day. SO WHY IS IT that we are doing two loads of laundry EVERY NIGHT? GRRRRFLALAKJDBkhgsvcjaghfd I can't even.

4. My ride. I drove a crossover with one child and now, due to a lack of room situation, we upgraded to a full on SUV. I love it, but the closer I get to owning a mini-van, the closer I feel to losing my sanity. This birth control better not fail, because I will not be purchasing a big ol' van any time soon EVER!!!

5. Sorry, not sorry, but I am never 100% squeaky clean. Because KIDS.
"Just took a shower, Ma? Here, let me barf on your leg."

"Oh, Dad, so glad to hear you got this shirt back from the dry cleaner's. Let me wipe a snail trail of snot on the shoulder."

"Just spent 45 minutes on your hair and makeup, Mommy? I've got some super sticky yogurt that will add a nice pop of color. Let me make sure it gets on every single layer so you have to wash it again."

I can't fail to mention all the dried cheerios, puffs, goldfish and other cracker type crap that manages to glue itself to my BUTT!

And  that, my friends, is just a sample of how number two has flushed my former life away. Yeah, yeah enough with the lame jokes. But seriously, I've gotta go.

xoxo,
Hot Mama

Chronicle 54: Holidazed & Confused

I love loved the holidays. Getting together with friends and family, taking part in longstanding traditions (awkward small talk until you remembered that you grew up with this person and have many hilarious memories together). I used to bask in sweater weather, eat too much turkey and gravy, and spend hours sprawled on the floor looking at old family photos.

When I got pregnant with my son, I was so excited to share moments like these with him. I couldn't wait to teach him the perfect dressing to green bean ratio, or watch him joyously discover the fun of running around with cousins while the grownups watched with knowing smiles. This was all before reality sunk in.

It's no secret that having small children is difficult. But there is a HUGE difference between "knowing" and KNOWING. Perhaps you don't have children yet, or it has been awhile since you've had little ones in the house. You may feel a certain sympathy for the mom juggling a plate of cranberry sauce and a newborn. Or the Dad chasing after the son who is going after Grandma's breakables. It might even be a bit funny to watch prized knick knacks wobbling toward the edge of the table. Later? It will be funny to me, too. Now... well, here's what you DON'T know.

Mom had a sleepless night before Thanksgiving because the baby was in a strange place and would not sleep in her portable crib. The little bundle of sweetness has graciously started teething and no longer requires that swaddle you found on some obscure website. Also, the months it took to convince said baby that Mom was not a pacifier have been shot to hell overnight. Add in some tryptophan and Mom's ready to plummet face first into her plate.

The son slept soundly in his inflatable bed on the floor of the guest room,  but you would never know it, because he is running around in circles and bouncing off walls like a pinball to burn off energy. Usually he gets to play outside, but it's cold and everyone is inside. The only thing that will keep him still and occupied for a minute is watching YouTube videos on Dad's phone. Cue the judgement.

The food is delicious and heavenly, but after the second baby the weight just won't come off. Please don't tell Mom she looks great as she balances a plate of food on her wobbly stomach. Thanksgiving dinner looks like too many nights at the gym that she will never have time for. Appreciate the thought, though.

The parents have not had a spare moment alone since the oldest was born. Holidays included. All the teenagers and college kids acting all moony and the older couples who don't even make eye contact any more make them feel alone and depressed. Divide and conquer, and hope that someday they will be reunited. WE. ARE. SPARTAAA!

What you realllly won't see is the aftermath. Children thrive on schedules, so even if the travel is for "just a few days", this throws children off and sends them careening on a downward spiral... with consequences lasting for days. Days = months in parenthood. It's science.

The son will refuse to nap. So will the baby. There will be LOTS of crying and tantrums. It will bleed into school the following Monday. Then an explanation to teachers will be expected. "It was a rough weekend. That must be why my son beaned you over the head with his Lego tower." Awkward.

The bags will lay unpacked in the parent's room for days. Laundry will pile up and baby girl will have to wear big brother's old onesies. OLD. She will scream and cry at the indignity. Mom and Dad will finally get a breather after coaxing the children into bed by threatening them with "Santa won't come if...!". The parents will then promptly fall asleep to Netflix. At 8:00 p.m.

What I want to constantly scream is "We're battling sheer exhaustion! Nothing will fix that, not even sleep!" To you a day or so of travel may seem like nothing. To us it's like Mount Everest.

The truth? I love you. I love you ALL. But when it comes to dealing with small children, please try to understand. I love my sanity and my schedule more. For now. 

"It's just one year."

Happy Holidays,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 52: There's No Place Like Home

I have a zit. It has taken up residence right between my eyes, popping up sometime between unpacking the 867th box of dishware and the intensive process known as shopping for living room furniture. Too busy to "woe is me", I handled it vigorously with my Clarisonic and a healthy swab of Witchhazel.

Witchhazel is an astringent that can be used as a spot treatment.
 It can dry your skin out pretty quickly, so use sparingly.

Then I wake this morning to find that my zit invited an overnight friend, and this zit is not so...friendly. First of all, no introduction or warning was given. Second, it planted itself right on the tip of my nose. It's like a welcoming committee. Which, admittedly, fits in with my current life theme.

Welcome back, mamas & friends (and hopefully readers I don't know yet). Yes, I took a brief hiatus. Ok, make that a LONG hiatus. It was a year; a year full of highs and lows and new experiences. I met some incredible people, and lost one too. I finished my first year of teaching (I. AM. ALIIIVE!) after staying home with baby G. 

The last 3 items in our old home, before we handed over the keys!

But, the biggest and most life changing thing JUST happened. Like a week ago happened. WE (packedupallofourbelongingsand) MOVED!! It was a life changing move. Like a leave a place you've lived for 28 years, family, friends, job, etc. move. It's turning out to be a brand new adventure, can't wait to explore and meet new people move. 

It was quick, but certainly not painless. In fact, I'm sure that if we ever move again I will need a healthy dose of... several things. If you've ever moved, even to the house or apartment next door, you KNOW it's a pain. The logistics and labor alone cause stress: stress on family, friends, kiddos, and marriage. in effect, it's one of those tests that life throws your way to keep you in check. That's how I came to look at it: a way to test my strength.

The best part about a cross state move? It will continue to test me. Finding my way to the grocery store, meeting other young families, keeping up with a bigger home, interviewing for a job in the local district... the list goes on and on. And while I was faced with these tasks at my old home, I was comfortable. I knew my way around. I had my friends. Here? I have to get my Sacajawea on. Wait... am I leading two men? I guess I am! :)

Our kitchen was put together a day after we moved! I can't claim all the credit: my amazing
family friends showed up to help. Love them!

We have most everything unpacked. The next step is organizing EVERYTHING. Luckily we moved into a bigger home, so we didn't have to worry about making things fit. We just have to worry about making them pretty! (That's my newly adopted phrase for organizing. So much better, right?!) 

This is the funny part: I've actually been researching! I've been reading articles, magazines, and books for ideas. It's your turn, mamas! How do you organize your toddler's room? Your pantry? Your playroom? I foresee several trips to the Container Store in my future!

Meanwhile, we're trying hard to stick to our routine and settle in to the new home. As you can see, Baby G is well on his way! 

Can't wait to hear from you again, mamas!

xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 40: Say What?! Wednesday: Communicating with your Spouse

Well, here we are, more than halfway through the Say What?! Series and I am a little sad. Not like "Leave Britney ALONE!" sad... more along the lines of "There are two more Oreos left in the package and I'm about to finish them off" sad. Wistful-like. Because there is only one more post left in the series, I've been brainstorming and narrowing down topics. I want to hit the most important issues, what I think might be most helpful to YOU.

Oh, Mr. Gable!

Something that comes up time and again in any relationship with a significant other is communication (mostly lack thereof, if we're honest with ourselves). Never is this skill more important than when you're trying to nurture a little ankle biter of your own. 

Is is notoriously difficult for men and women to truly hear and understand what the other is saying. Women are talkers and sharers by nature and men are visual creatures who just want us to get to the point so they can offer a brilliant solution. 

http://www.zazzle.com/mr_fix_it_tshirt-235124752233411226 

I can't even begin to count the number of times I sat down and talked to my husband about my horrible day and spilled my guts only to encounter a glazed look or the "I'm pretending not to read what's on my computer, but I'm really rocking the hell out of my peripherals" stare. One of those moments where I truly considered extreme couch bouncing a la Tom Cruise craziness... 

There are books. And articles. And Doctors and therapists and couples counseling and churches, and and and. What it really comes down to is your willingness to LISTEN. By stepping back, turning off defensiveness and keeping an open ear. This is a constantly evolving skill... trust.

Here's what I know/try to keep in mind:

1. Talking scares a lot of men. They're afraid you want them to get emotional and share their feelings... and stuff. Plus, they are petrified you will yell or cry. This triggers a shut down in most men. (Trying desperately not to generalize, here!)

Instead: "Hey, hotness (bunny, lovebug, big strong man, etc.), I wanted to get your opinion on something. Can we set aside 10-15 minutes later? I'll bring the wine! 

Clink!

Why? 

-A limited amount of time is concrete. It means that there is a way out. It means that you go into teamwork mode and find a solution without a prolonged, emotional conversation. 

-Also, talking about ONE issue at a time may be frustrating, but it is a scientific fact that men cannot multitask. It's brain science. 

-Don't cause confusion by bringing up five different things at once, as tempting as it may be. If it helps, write down everything beforehand, just to simply get it out so it doesn't make an appearance during your "non-chat."

-Don't get drunk, or even tipsy. The wine is to help you loosen up, not lash out! 

2. Start SMALL. 

Why?

-Don't try to tackle a heavy, complex issue on your first try. Gradually increase the time limit as you and your spouse become more comfortable discussing more emotional issues.

-Starter topics: Projects around the house, weekend plans, a trip, your next big purchase, planning a date.

-Eventually you will dive into the sensitive topics: money, sex, family, raising your children, your feelings about _____ event/situation, etc. 

3. Be ready to swallow some pride. You may have an idea of how you want the conversation to go, but the goal is to really listen to your spouse. Remember that you cannot control their thoughts, words, or actions. Give them time to think and talk, without interruptions. Check out their body language.

Body language

Why?

-Interrupting or giving an emotional monologue says "I don't care what you think. What I have to say is much more important" (whether that is true or not). Your love should shine through, not your impatience. 

-Support is key. Creating a safe environment will encourage your spouse to talk and share. 

-You may hear something that you don't like or conflicts with your wants. Take a minute to mull it over  before you respond. A lot of times our initial reactions may be overreactions, which hinder any progress you've made!

4. When all else fails, agree to disagree, and re-visit later. 

Why?

-When either one, or both, of you gets too worked up, the conversation is over and stops being productive. Being upset does not lend to rational thinking.

-Take a day (or several) to cool down. Jot down thoughts as they come to you and bring them to your next conversation if it will help keep you focused. 

-Do not say something you will later regret. This will make it really difficult to revisit the conversation with a wary spouse.  

5. Last, but not least: Timing is everything.

Why?

-Read your partner's cues. Did they have a rough day at work, or at home with the kids? Not the best time to approach them with a sensitive issue. Glass of wine, maybe, but super chat? No.

-A person who is on-edge will not be prepared to listen objectively.

-Your convo should take place in a quiet, distraction free setting. Chaos begets chaos!

Take it to the houuuuse!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 36: Snapshots

This weekend was JAM PACKED. We had something special going on every single second, and while I had an absolute blast... I could drop from exhaustion. 

My baby boy is on the same page. He was baptized yesterday, and was so super cranky that he cried throughout the entire ceremony. Which means we barely registered what was being said, and instead of crying tears of joy, they were more like tears of frustration. I'm sure we'll look back and laugh at the situation, but at this point? I would much rather nap!

Best friends celebrating a birthday

Godfather & Godson//with rootbeer

A lovely marbled cake

At a wedding with my love

How was your weekend, friends? What fun & exciting things did you do?

Xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Sneak peek for this week on The Hot Mama: Mellow music for a Tuesday morning, Traveling with Baby for Say What?! Wednesday, beauty, fashion & more! 

Chronicle 30: Say What?! Wednesdays

Ladies & gents, I have an announcement! I'm psyched to share with you the beginning of a new series on The Hot Mama Chronicles called Say What?! Wednesdays. Due to an enormous response (comments, e-mails, etc.) to my last post on New Mama Insider Info, I have developed a series of topics to discuss in-depth for new mamas, mamas to be AND future mamas to be. Something for everyone!

I will cover all the important stuff, like post-baby body, breast-feeding, your relationship with your partner, getting back into the swing of things, and much, much more! Look for the first installment next Wednesday, May 16th! I am so excited to hear feedback from you all!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 26: Say What?! New Mama Insider Info

Here is what I know: Being a parent is like living on Mars. Minus all the heat and weird gases. Ok, plus the weird gases and minus the heat. It literally feels as if you're living on a different planet than everyone else. Well, other than people who are in your exact same position.

Here are some things I absolutely did not know about and have not heard anyone talk openly about (until I asked):

Nursing

It's so much more difficult than you imagine. I literally thought you were supposed to pop the baby on the boob and let him drink away. Not so. There are different types of holds and the baby has to latch on correctly and you have to come to a mutal agreement with your child about when and where to breastfeed. And they BARELY eat the first few days. Which is why they actually lose a bit of weight that first week, but trust me, it is fine. Scary, but fine.

Honestly, it hurts like hell. It's like purple nurples every time they eat for a few weeks. Then the nips toughen up and nursing becomes a habit (if you decide to pursue it). When your milk comes in, you may or not feel as if you magically received breast implants. I was so swollen, that I had to make a 10 o'clock run to Babies R Us to buy a pump, then proceeded to pump all the way home.

Also, your baby will scratch your chest up with their tiny little claws and you will look like your breasts got into a bar fight with a rosebush. I was too scared to cut G's nails forever, so I wore high necked tops for months. Now that he is teething, I have bite marks and bruises. Fun.

Friendships...

come and go, but never more so than during major life changes like getting married or having babies. There are people who just can't handle the fact that you aren't going out/drinking like you used to, or they're jealous of your happiness, or they are just plain in a different phase of their lives.

Your schedule changes dramatically for awhile, and kids can be so unpredictable that you need understanding family and friends if you have to cancel or rearrange plans. I'm lucky to have people like this in my life!

The good news is that, as a new parent, you can meet so many new friends that know exactly what you're going through. Great meeting places include: the park, the gym, the library (story hour!), the grocery, through friends and family, church, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part is getting up the courage to strike up a conversation and then follow through by making plans. It's a lot like dating: you really have to see if everyone is compatible! I am still in the "working up the courage" phase, but I'm lucky to have several mommy friends already.

SEX

Oh, yes I did. Surprisingly, you recover from (natural) delivery fairly quickly. That doesn't mean that you wanna jump right back in the sack as soon as you feel pain free. Because, yes, it hurts the first time you have sex. It reminds me of Jessica from HBO's True Blood who was turned into a vampire as a virgin. Which means that every time she gets down is literally like the first time. And it feels like that for awhile.

My advice? Lots of lube. And patience. And HUMOR. It goes a long way. Just remember there are a lot of other things you can do with your hubby, including non-sexual activities that are still intimate like showering together, massages, cuddling, breakfast in bed, etc. Like many other things after having a baby, this is temporary and while it may be more difficult to find time with your man, it can (and must!) be done. You just have to become a bit more creative!

Competition

I am not a competitive person by nature, but when I'm out and about I cannot help comparing myself to other parents and my little man to other babies. What is that baby doing that my son isn't? What do I do way better than that parent? I would never do that. My son will never act like that in public... It goes on and on. Why do we do this? Human nature, I suppose. But I really try to keep it to a minimum because every single child goes at their own pace. And nothing is wrong with that by any means. Who am I to judge and compare? My son and I are happy and healthy and that is all I can ask for. (It still creeps in sometimes. Hey, I can't help it!)

Your turn, mamas! What are some things that shocked you as a new mama? What would advice would you give to a new parent that you would have liked to receive? 

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 25: A Brief Hiatus

So I took a brief hiatus: from blogging, from life, from everything, really. It's been one of those weeks. No, make that month. Or even year, if you'd like. I feel as if I'm living two very different lives at the moment, and the distance between the two is stark and startling, and frankly, I lack the energy to figure it out at the moment.

My life as a mother is just right. It's baby bear's porridge, with extra sugar and cream and a temperature that warms your tummy, but leaves your tastebuds intact. My life makes sense. I have a purpose. My lungs breathe for him. My heart swells and breaks and mends itself a thousand times a day. It is simultaneously the hardest and greatest thing I have ever done.

And, at this point, I am doing most of it single handedly.

I'm half of a whole, yes. But while my husband's away each week, I become the whole. I try too hard to be the mother and the father. I encourage independence, yet I cling to my son. I play rough and tumble, then lament over our bruised knees and carpet burns. I butt in on their sacred bath time, then read books about a mama's love in soft whispers. I weep at the drop of a hat, only to quickly dry my son's tears and catapult into distractions.

So you see? Jekyll and Hyde. One moment I'm filled with joy, and the next? Despair and, yes, loneliness.  I miss my partner, my lover, my friend. Not only do I miss my husband, but I miss our family as a unit. Our mundane rhythm. The daily moments that seem so routine and boring, until they're disrupted. I mourn the fact that he has missed, and will miss, G's most transformative time.

I was completely overcome this weekend when my baby crawled for the very first time! I could see him gearing up for it all week. Tummy time transformed into popping up onto all fours and rocking and rolling towards an unknown destination. By midweek he had begun to look down and check out his knees while he lunged forward, desperately grasping for the glowing remote.

Saturday was THE day...tentative moments that resulted in alternating hands and knees. A brief movement that caused G great bewilderment when I burst into tears as my husband clapped his hands and lunged in for a hug.

For that one moment, I forgot everything and felt content. Felt whole.

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 21: Truths & Discoveries

Do you ever have a sudden moment of clarity? As in, you've heard the same cliches over and over again, but it just doesn't ring true until it is relevant in your own life? Parenting is JUST like that. I feel as if I have a revelation every single day. Sometimes it is just an affirmation of a revelation I had the day before. Anyhow, I have compiled an even numbered list of these new truths and discoveries. Six, in fact. See? Even number. That's my OCD shining through. So lovely.

Six Truths & Discoveries of Parenthood:

1. Fear vs. Faith
My last post contended with a pretty heavy realization: I can either live each day in complete, paralyzing fear that something may happen to any of my loved ones, or I can have faith that every thing will work out the way it's supposed to. It sounds simple enough, but when I look at my son and try to grasp how much I love him, I pretty much fall to paranoid pieces. I've realized that it is time to let go of what I cannot control. Spending every waking moment worried that I'm going to get a horrible phone call will not stop it. I would rather spend that time enjoying my family and working on my happiness, instead! To read a more in-depth analysis, check out Chronicle 20: Fear vs. Faith.

2. You will cry...ALOT
I was a fairly sensitive person before I had my son. I might have cried at the end of E.T., or listening to my brother play a beautiful piece on his violin. Now I am an emotional mess. I have now cried at the following: a Geico commercial, a particularly moving episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the thought of grocery shopping, finding an actual bra that fits (not a sports bra), Word with Friends, and every single stage of my son's development. I teared up just now writing about crying. I try to avoid certain movies, TV shows, and books because I know they will trigger a cry fest. I see every thing from a mother's perspective, and perhaps the hormones are still raging. It's just become a fact of life.

3. Everything has changed. Especially you.
Your friends are still going out and you're staying in with a teething baby. You may lose some of these friends. You WILL gain others. You would rather sleep next to your spouse than with them. You stop doing your own laundry and concentrate on the baby's. Your parents and in-laws call and visit much more often. MUCH more. People come to visit the baby, not you. You find yourself excited that the baby finally pooped, that your nipples are not as sore, that you can finally wear something other than pajamas and sweatpants. You settle for a good ponytail, rather than those "messy" beach waves. You are different. You are stronger. You are experiencing love that will never fade.

4. Being a parent is like being in a club.
No, not as in The Viper Room. Like, the "You understand the bags under my eyes and the throw up on my t-shirt" club. You talk to random mamas at the park, in the grocery store. You have a new appreciation for the frazzled-looking mom shuffling her kids into a McDonald's because she's too tired to cook. You congratulate a new mom for merely getting out of the house (did that today at Victoria's Secret. Although I wonder what she was doing THERE. I'm just now wanting to step foot in that place...SEVEN months later.) You nod in agreement when another mama describes exactly how you've been feeling or going through with your babe. You can talk about bottle brands for hours and whether you like Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby better (I prefer the latter). Stuff that may seem mundane to anyone else is fodder for mamas. Welcome to the club!

5. The little things become more important than the big things (for now).
Say whaaat? Let me put it this way. Big thing: lunch and shopping with friends. Little thing: Baby's nap. What wins? NAP ALL THE WAY, FOLKS. Because a cranky baby is a cranky mom is a cranky dad. We are even cutting Easter short this year because all of the activities fall around Baby G's nap time. The good news is that this is a sacrifice that will only last a few years. At this point, I need these naps as much as he does!

6. Your child IS amazing. 

I am the mama who is obsessed with her baby. Every single thing he does seems like a tiny miracle. He moves a toy from here to there? INCREDIBLE. He blinks? BRAVO! I used to be annoyed by parents that bragged about their child's seemingly mundane accomplishments, but now I GET IT. However, I'm not about to slap an Honor Student bumper sticker on my SUV. I'm content capturing these moments on video and film to share with people who show interest. Or, I will watch them myself!

What discoveries have you made since becoming a parent? What are some cliches that are now tried and true in your life? Looking forward to hearing from you!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 1: The who, what, when, where & hot!

Why helllooo, ladies! I am a first time mama with an adorable son and a serious bone to pick with my fellow mamas. Honey, just because you created a miracle with your body does not mean you now have to neglect it! My son and my husband are super high on my priority list (of course). However...part of keeping myself happy is making sure I feel happy.

My hope for this blog is that I will reach at least ONE mama, and help her learn to love herself and convince her to spend more time on her inner and outer beauty. I find that even something as simple as putting on jeans & a tee rather than jammies and sweatshirt boost my self-love! 

I will be posting at least once a week, and will cover any and all topics. So please, join me as I share my mama secrets, and PLEASE share your own (we hot mamas have to stick together!). 

xoxo

The Hot Mama


Please check out my Hot Mama Pinterest board at http://pinterest.com/OneHawtMama/ !