Chronicle 60: To the Mob Mentality Mamas

If we are friends on my personal Facebook profile then you may have noticed I've been posting some very personal things lately. This particular personal struggle has been overwhelming, life changing, emotionally & physically exhausting, confusing, isolating, amazing, you name it. I'm talking about Sensory Processing Disorder, which my son and I both have.

In a nutshell, a very LITTLE nutshell, sensory processing disorder is a neurological condition that affects how a person reacts to stimuli. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches will send our body into fight or flight mode. ALL. DAY. You can imagine how exhausting it can be with adrenaline constantly coursing through our bodies telling us that the ceiling fan, traffic noise, dishwasher, sock seams, shirt tags, etc. are too much to handle and we need to ESCAPE. NOW. or fight back with our words, our attitudes, our bodies.

There wasn't a name for this, really, when I was growing up. The symptoms of SPD can mirror those of Autism and ADHD, and I didn't exhibit obvious behaviors associated with autism and ADHD. How does a child explain or even know that what they're feeling isn't normal, or that they should be given specific tools to deal with a variety of situations? So, I taught myself and never talked about it. This is how I deal with it: I don't wear socks, EVER. I don't spend a lot of time around crowds. I disappear to my room when I can't handle noises. I text instead of call. I leave the mall, grocery store, or restaurant when I'm overwhelmed. Hearing someone chew is my personal hell - sometimes the movie theater can be, too. A lot of times my senses trigger fight mode to the point where rage builds up and I explode. I'm only human, after all.

Luckily, when Grayson started exhibiting signs of SPD I was on it. We consulted several doctors and now he is seeing an occupational therapist and making great strides in a Montessori preschool. The structured environment works well for him. Every day is a constant struggle. Not only is Grayson very energetic, but he is compulsively inquisitive, curious, and unintentionally aggressive with others. Everyone always says, "He LOOKS normal. You would never know something is wrong with him." Or the classic, "He's ALL boy, idn't he?"

How do I put this? Nothing is "wrong" with my son. We are dealing with a different set of challenges than you. Which is why I hate the special needs label he has acquired. Putting a label on Grayson entitles other people to treat him differently, to judge him, to see him as flawed and damaged, to expect less of him, to exclude him from mainstream society, to pity him, and to categorize him as a nuisance. How do I know this to be true? We have already experienced it first hand. And thus, I have written an open letter to the women who surrounded my son and I at the playground last week.



To the Mob Mentality Mamas at the playground:

I'm sure it was easy for you to misjudge the situation. One minute your children were playing happily on the jungle gym, and the next they were running to you with tears on their cheeks. They tell you through hiccuping sobs that a little boy hit them. "Who?" you demand, standing up to find the culprit. Up until that moment you had been chatting with your friend and staring at your phone, allowing your 18 month old to navigate the massive playground alone.

"That boy! In the plaid shirt!" Immediately scanning the playground, you don't see another mom, except for the one bent over a stroller, trying to strap in an acrobatic toddler who clearly would rather still be running around.

An older woman steps in, the weight of God-like judgement burdening her. "PLAID SHIRT! WHO DOES THAT KID BELONG TO?!" She repeats it several times until the mom at the stroller stands up, dazed and confused. She had literally just walked away from her son to put her daughter in the stroller. A mere minute, and now chaos was unfolding.

Sound dramatic? It was. After I was beckoned by the older woman, Grayson came out of the play area saying that the moms had told him he didn't belong. He came over to me, confused, clearly knowing he had done something wrong, but not understanding the situation. I was a bit confused myself. Grayson is sensory seeking, meaning that his neurological system needs deep input or pressure to stabilize. Sometimes he will bump into things or people to get the input he needs. Rarely does he push or shove to get that input, especially without provocation. The way he reacts to being overwhelmed can come across as misbehavior to those that don't know him, and don't know SPD. Believe me, he DOES know right from wrong.

Clearly, the children we were dealing with were angels and had no responsibility in the situation whatsoever. I brushed that snarky thought aside as I bent down to talk with him. "Grayson, it is never ok to hit or push, for any reason. Let's go speak with our friends and hear what they have to say." (I was pretty damn proud of myself for handling it this way. In reality I wanted to curse, punch, scream, and yell myself. I kept my cool knowing they would never hear my message if I got defensive. Again... really proud.)

We walked over to the children, who had been lined up in a row. The parents began to surround us. Really! They literally formed a circle around us, including the older woman and her friend who said, "We don't have any children involved in this." (Ummm, ok? Then why ARE you involved?) I could read anger and judgement on their faces, their arms were crossed, their body language was actually pretty menacing. I imagined tiny pitchforks in their non iPhone holding hands. It felt like West Side Story without song and dance to break the tension. Breathing deep and trying to calm my fluttering heart, I had Grayson speak to each child, apologizing and asking if they were ok. They each nodded, tears already dry. They were eager to return to playing and ran off immediately. The parents remained, staring at me.

I gathered Grayson up and said, "My son has Sensory Processing Disorder, and we are working on the social aspect." As much as I hated to say it, it worked. Their faces immediately softened, they actually took a step back, and then muttered an "It's ok" before walking away.

Of course I was MORTIFIED and Grayson had a meltdown as we left. He wanted some cinnamon pretzels, a request that was clearly denied. I wanted to dig a hole and hide. And then came the flood of retorts, the imagined things I would say and do given a second chance, all of which I cannot repeat.

I stick by how I handled it. My friend was there and watched the whole thing unfold. She could not believe what had happened. If Grayson was indeed "normal", then pushing is still developmentally appropriate for his age. What child hasn't acted out? What behavior exactly would justify closing in on a mom and her 4 year old son at the playground?

I will tell you this, mob mentality mamas. I'm glad you were there. I am glad you learned there may be a reason to stop before judging a child or mother. Or that this open letter reaches to hearts that need it. Thank you for teaching me that I can handle situations like this - that we will survive, and hopefully educate others about a disorder that can't be seen on the face or body of a child.

Sincerely,

The Hot Mama & her son <3

For more information on SPD: http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder/

Chronicle 52: There's No Place Like Home

I have a zit. It has taken up residence right between my eyes, popping up sometime between unpacking the 867th box of dishware and the intensive process known as shopping for living room furniture. Too busy to "woe is me", I handled it vigorously with my Clarisonic and a healthy swab of Witchhazel.

Witchhazel is an astringent that can be used as a spot treatment.
 It can dry your skin out pretty quickly, so use sparingly.

Then I wake this morning to find that my zit invited an overnight friend, and this zit is not so...friendly. First of all, no introduction or warning was given. Second, it planted itself right on the tip of my nose. It's like a welcoming committee. Which, admittedly, fits in with my current life theme.

Welcome back, mamas & friends (and hopefully readers I don't know yet). Yes, I took a brief hiatus. Ok, make that a LONG hiatus. It was a year; a year full of highs and lows and new experiences. I met some incredible people, and lost one too. I finished my first year of teaching (I. AM. ALIIIVE!) after staying home with baby G. 

The last 3 items in our old home, before we handed over the keys!

But, the biggest and most life changing thing JUST happened. Like a week ago happened. WE (packedupallofourbelongingsand) MOVED!! It was a life changing move. Like a leave a place you've lived for 28 years, family, friends, job, etc. move. It's turning out to be a brand new adventure, can't wait to explore and meet new people move. 

It was quick, but certainly not painless. In fact, I'm sure that if we ever move again I will need a healthy dose of... several things. If you've ever moved, even to the house or apartment next door, you KNOW it's a pain. The logistics and labor alone cause stress: stress on family, friends, kiddos, and marriage. in effect, it's one of those tests that life throws your way to keep you in check. That's how I came to look at it: a way to test my strength.

The best part about a cross state move? It will continue to test me. Finding my way to the grocery store, meeting other young families, keeping up with a bigger home, interviewing for a job in the local district... the list goes on and on. And while I was faced with these tasks at my old home, I was comfortable. I knew my way around. I had my friends. Here? I have to get my Sacajawea on. Wait... am I leading two men? I guess I am! :)

Our kitchen was put together a day after we moved! I can't claim all the credit: my amazing
family friends showed up to help. Love them!

We have most everything unpacked. The next step is organizing EVERYTHING. Luckily we moved into a bigger home, so we didn't have to worry about making things fit. We just have to worry about making them pretty! (That's my newly adopted phrase for organizing. So much better, right?!) 

This is the funny part: I've actually been researching! I've been reading articles, magazines, and books for ideas. It's your turn, mamas! How do you organize your toddler's room? Your pantry? Your playroom? I foresee several trips to the Container Store in my future!

Meanwhile, we're trying hard to stick to our routine and settle in to the new home. As you can see, Baby G is well on his way! 

Can't wait to hear from you again, mamas!

xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 41: Decisions, Decisions

My hair is still falling out. I am doing all the right things: washing my hair every couple of days, using my special shampoo for women with thinning hair, pumping up the volume with thickening hairspray and mousse and getting light headed by blow drying my hair upside down. I'm even taking prenatal vitamins, still. Yet, my hair... it's not the same. It's growing back - there are uncontrollable, stubborn wisps adorning my forehead. The new hair is growing in straight and the bottom? Still curly and wavy and THIN.

I want my hair back. Weight loss and/or gain, humongous boobs, changes in skin, etc. can pretty much be controlled. But hair? Well, that's up to the hormones. I am afraid, no, make that petrified, that it will never come back. My son's pediatrician told me that it may keep falling out as long as I continue to breastfeed. So for now? Trying not to cry over spilt milk.

http://auntbubbiesfakefood.com/SpillsMelts.html

There is so much going on in my life that I have absolutely no control over, and it's proving hard to deal with. My husband is gone five days a week, and by the end of it will have been away from us for 6 months. Several people close to me are ill.  Sick in a way that may or not be cured. In a way where the only thing to say is, "We're praying. As hard as we can." Life seems cruel and bleak, and very unforgiving at the moment.

That just means that it is the time to put my energy into things that make me happy; things I can work on and better and be thankful for when I start feeling sorry for myself. Which brings me to the title of my post. "Decisions?" you ask (twice). "Can I help?!" OF COURSE!

When I first started having post partum hair loss, I had my stylist cut several inches off. That adorable cut has grown to my shoulders and is no longer... adorable. Because my hair is thin and is providing me with a few different textures, I am not going to grow it out just yet. Here are some of the haircuts I've been checking out:

http://www.hairstyle-blog.com/bobbed-hairstyles.html

1. Scarlett

I like the length of this cut, as well as the layers and the side part. Going too short would be disastrous on my round/square shaped face, so keeping it chin length or a tad longer is best! 

http://www.hotbeautyhealth.com/hairstyles/short-curly-hairstyles-get-celebrity-hair/

2. Charlize

The length of this cut is very similar to Scarlett's. The difference lies in the hint of a side swept bang...which would be a leap for me, because I've avoided bangs for awhile. Will bangs only emphasize my hair loss? I'm not sure. This cut also seems to have fewer layers, and is much softer than the first option.

http://www.bestcelebrityhairstyles.com/reese-witherspoon-hairstyles/reese-witherspoon-short-hair/

3. Reese

Love the long side swept bang, the short cut that's just shy of a bob if it weren't all choppy and sassy! This option compliments her fine hair and adds some volume by shorter layers at the top and middle, and leaving the bottom part one length, with blunt edges. This is a strong contender!

http://wedding-dresse-s.blogspot.com/2011/11/trendy-and-flattering-short-hairstyles.html

4. Brittany

I love this because it's fun and sexy. One piece in the front is a bit longer, which adds visual interest without being too quirky or odd. The side swept bangs and short, face framing layers do not add bulk to her face shape (a common problem with short cuts on round/square face shapes) . What do you think?

Last but not least... here's ME! That way you can kind of visualize what each may look like before helping me decide! My appointment is set for next week, so cast your votes as soon as possible!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 40: Say What?! Wednesday: Communicating with your Spouse

Well, here we are, more than halfway through the Say What?! Series and I am a little sad. Not like "Leave Britney ALONE!" sad... more along the lines of "There are two more Oreos left in the package and I'm about to finish them off" sad. Wistful-like. Because there is only one more post left in the series, I've been brainstorming and narrowing down topics. I want to hit the most important issues, what I think might be most helpful to YOU.

Oh, Mr. Gable!

Something that comes up time and again in any relationship with a significant other is communication (mostly lack thereof, if we're honest with ourselves). Never is this skill more important than when you're trying to nurture a little ankle biter of your own. 

Is is notoriously difficult for men and women to truly hear and understand what the other is saying. Women are talkers and sharers by nature and men are visual creatures who just want us to get to the point so they can offer a brilliant solution. 

http://www.zazzle.com/mr_fix_it_tshirt-235124752233411226 

I can't even begin to count the number of times I sat down and talked to my husband about my horrible day and spilled my guts only to encounter a glazed look or the "I'm pretending not to read what's on my computer, but I'm really rocking the hell out of my peripherals" stare. One of those moments where I truly considered extreme couch bouncing a la Tom Cruise craziness... 

There are books. And articles. And Doctors and therapists and couples counseling and churches, and and and. What it really comes down to is your willingness to LISTEN. By stepping back, turning off defensiveness and keeping an open ear. This is a constantly evolving skill... trust.

Here's what I know/try to keep in mind:

1. Talking scares a lot of men. They're afraid you want them to get emotional and share their feelings... and stuff. Plus, they are petrified you will yell or cry. This triggers a shut down in most men. (Trying desperately not to generalize, here!)

Instead: "Hey, hotness (bunny, lovebug, big strong man, etc.), I wanted to get your opinion on something. Can we set aside 10-15 minutes later? I'll bring the wine! 

Clink!

Why? 

-A limited amount of time is concrete. It means that there is a way out. It means that you go into teamwork mode and find a solution without a prolonged, emotional conversation. 

-Also, talking about ONE issue at a time may be frustrating, but it is a scientific fact that men cannot multitask. It's brain science. 

-Don't cause confusion by bringing up five different things at once, as tempting as it may be. If it helps, write down everything beforehand, just to simply get it out so it doesn't make an appearance during your "non-chat."

-Don't get drunk, or even tipsy. The wine is to help you loosen up, not lash out! 

2. Start SMALL. 

Why?

-Don't try to tackle a heavy, complex issue on your first try. Gradually increase the time limit as you and your spouse become more comfortable discussing more emotional issues.

-Starter topics: Projects around the house, weekend plans, a trip, your next big purchase, planning a date.

-Eventually you will dive into the sensitive topics: money, sex, family, raising your children, your feelings about _____ event/situation, etc. 

3. Be ready to swallow some pride. You may have an idea of how you want the conversation to go, but the goal is to really listen to your spouse. Remember that you cannot control their thoughts, words, or actions. Give them time to think and talk, without interruptions. Check out their body language.

Body language

Why?

-Interrupting or giving an emotional monologue says "I don't care what you think. What I have to say is much more important" (whether that is true or not). Your love should shine through, not your impatience. 

-Support is key. Creating a safe environment will encourage your spouse to talk and share. 

-You may hear something that you don't like or conflicts with your wants. Take a minute to mull it over  before you respond. A lot of times our initial reactions may be overreactions, which hinder any progress you've made!

4. When all else fails, agree to disagree, and re-visit later. 

Why?

-When either one, or both, of you gets too worked up, the conversation is over and stops being productive. Being upset does not lend to rational thinking.

-Take a day (or several) to cool down. Jot down thoughts as they come to you and bring them to your next conversation if it will help keep you focused. 

-Do not say something you will later regret. This will make it really difficult to revisit the conversation with a wary spouse.  

5. Last, but not least: Timing is everything.

Why?

-Read your partner's cues. Did they have a rough day at work, or at home with the kids? Not the best time to approach them with a sensitive issue. Glass of wine, maybe, but super chat? No.

-A person who is on-edge will not be prepared to listen objectively.

-Your convo should take place in a quiet, distraction free setting. Chaos begets chaos!

Take it to the houuuuse!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 34: Say What?! Wednesday: Breastfeeding

For my first edition of Say What?! Wednesday, I want to put forth my version of a DISCLAIMER. This is not a warning label, or Interwebz caution tape. It is merely a "before you read/keep in mind while you read" type...thing. So. Disclaimer: I do not endorse/prefer/judge those who do or do not use said method. I am writing solely from my own personal experience. So please, no snide comments or debates necessary, mamas. Thank you for reading the disclaimer. Please, read on!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/welfarestateofmind/4459735887/

When I found out I was pregnant (or, as I fondly referred to it, "knocked up"), I did a lot of research. I spent countless hours hunched over my ancient Apple laptop and poring through a worn copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, charting every second of my pregnancy and what to do once the baby was actually born.

It wasn't until I was weeks away from delivering that I received a shock. Nursing, as it turns out, is NOT an easy thing to do. In fact, once I stumbled onto this tidbit, it became a train wreck topic (you know, can't look away...). First time moms were terrified, experienced ones assured us that it was hard, but it could be done. With lots of help. The La Leche League website became one of my most visited sites, until I finally added it to my bookmark bar.

http://www.lllofaz.org/yuma.htm

Why was I so utterly shocked? Udderly? Ha. Because! I literally thought that you just popped the baby on. And they drank. And then they were full and you patted their little backs until they let out an adorable "urp!" Maybe you got to breathe in their little milky breaths while you were at it. And my nipples? What about 'um? I did not give them a second thought. Even though I became terrified that I would fail at such a "natural process of mothering", I was so glad that I was prepared. Glad that I took the time to really find out what it was all about. That is why I want to help prepare YOU, so that when faced with this decision, no matter what it is, I can somehow make it easier for you.

There is a lot of information in this post, so bookmark and "read as you need" or take it in a few times so you are not overwhelmed.

After Delivery:
1. The hospital where I delivered G made it a priority for mothers to nurse their newborns as soon as possible after birth. Not only does this start the bonding process, but it gives you a snapshot of what nursing will be about for the first few months.

2. My son had a hard time latching, so my room nurse had the lactation consultant visit our room. She helped by correctly positioning my son in my arms & also provided a nipple shield. This helps the baby latch on and stay on. It also protects the nipple a bit more.

3. It hurts. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, because if you're prepared for a bit of pain, then it is easier to deal with. You may experience chapped, raw, bleeding or cracked nipples. It's not pretty, but it is for a relatively short period of time. Then they toughen up and you can't feel a thing. It's a bit odd.

4. I made sure to make another appt with the lactation consultant before we left hospital. There is so much to deal with at the hospital, and all the information comes fast and furious. It is ALWAYS a good idea to get the information again. Make sure to leave with a pamphlet that details local nursing groups and hotline numbers for urgent questions.

http://www.ivillage.ca/pregnancy/breastfeeding-immediately-after-your-babys-birth

At home:
1. I drank ALOT of water from the huge bottle given to me at hospital. I relaxed on the couch and my man refilled it (what a sweetie!). This jug holds up to 30 ounces, which I downed every few hours. It helps with milk production, and keeps you from becoming dehydrated.

2. I became constantly hungry, which was not a problem as nursing can burn an 500 extra calories a day. I just tried to snack on healthier options like crackers & cheese, fruit, veggies & dip, etc. Some days I had chips and candy. Balance is key.

3. There are several different ways to hold your baby as you nurse. I liked and stuck with the traditional cradle hold, which is probably what you think of first. It was easiest for me to prop little man on the Boppy pillow (a U-Shaped pillow that fits around your waist and supports your arm while nursing). Different holds include the cradle, crossover, reclining, and football, to name a few. This article outlines them all, and provides helpful tips.

4. When your milk comes in, you may become engorged which is extremely uncomfortable. Your breast tissue will swell and become inflamed and your supply will not be regulated. The baby can't drink enough at one time to relieve you, so you may need to pump. Word of caution: only pump until your breasts are soft again. Any more and you will encourage the production of even more milk! Don't let the milk go to waste, bag and freeze it for when you introduce the bottle.

5. Burping, spit up, and gassiness...oh, my! For the first three months feeding, sleeping, and pooping are going to be top priority in your life. Anything that disturbs those will be the bane of your existence. Enter burping that elicits spit up, and a hold that allows air to get into your baby's tummy which brings on gassiness. There are a few things you can do to help your baby get through these disruptions, but they are inevitable. There are Mylicon drops, which basically binds gas bubbles, making them easier to exit the body (either way). These can be found at drugstores and are harmless enough that you can give them multiple times a day. I always gave a bit before and a bit after feeding. This seemed to help the most.

http://www.newbornbabyzone.com/baby-care/how-to-burp-your-baby/

5. NIPPLES. Again, with the nipples! Lanolin is your new best friend. Use it after you nurse. Yep, every time. If you can find them, get petal gel pads. They are cool and soothe aches and pains. Also, putting a few drops of breast milk on them and letting them air dry after nursing works wonders. Get used to always having your boobs out. Once you're on a schedule, it gets better. I promise!

6. You will leak. Invest in some washable nursing pads to wear in your bra when you go out in public. There is nothing more embarrassing than leaking through your shirt. I would also recommend having a change of clothes with you at all times. Between leaking and baby spit up/poop/etc, you never know when you might need an extra shirt!

Schedule/After 3-4 months:
1. When you're out and about, be sure to wear an accessible shirt or dress. There's nothing worse than realizing you have to get completely undressed to nurse. I purchased a few nursing bras, but after awhile I realized wireless bras can just be pulled up, AND they cost LESS!

2. Breast feeding in public is tricky. I do not like to do it, although I did get a nursing shawl. I tried it once and it was just too much for me. People were staring, I was trying not to show the goods, and my son just wriggled around and pulled everything out of place. I usually try to find a restroom with a chair or countertop to sit on. Some places actually have nursing rooms, which is a huge bonus!

3. Take a lunch box with ice pack for a bottle of pre-mixed formula or breast milk during longer car rides or outings. If there is not a place to nurse or you are unable, it helps to have a pre-made bottle.

4. I DO supplement with formula for the above reason. Also, if someone is watching my son and they run out of frozen breast milk, it is nice if your child can accept formula from a bottle as well. That has worked well for our family.

http://www.greenkiddie.co.uk/Bottlefeeding.php

When older:
1. Teething prompts the return of sore/bleeding nipples. Reacquaint yourself with Lanolin cream, gel pads, bottles, and soft bras. Nurse from the "healthier" nipple until the other has healed a bit.

2. When your little one starts solids you will be nursing less. Your supply may decrease or even dwindle, or your kiddo may not be interested in nursing anymore. This decrease in supply may herald the return of your period, so be prepared! I wasn't and my husband had to make a midnight run while on vacation.

3. If you missed those lovely little adult beverages, now is the time to fit them back in your life. Make sure you pump or have formula available. One drink is metabolized in one hour, which means it is not stored in your breast milk. Better safe than sorry, mamas. Go with your gut on this one. And be prepared to be tipsy after less than one drink!

http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/teething-and-biting

After much research and consideration, I decided that nursing was best for me and my family, but that does not mean it was at all easy. It was a huge sacrifice, one that I decided to make because of the positive effects for my baby and myself. Would I do it again? Absolutely!


Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 30: Say What?! Wednesdays

Ladies & gents, I have an announcement! I'm psyched to share with you the beginning of a new series on The Hot Mama Chronicles called Say What?! Wednesdays. Due to an enormous response (comments, e-mails, etc.) to my last post on New Mama Insider Info, I have developed a series of topics to discuss in-depth for new mamas, mamas to be AND future mamas to be. Something for everyone!

I will cover all the important stuff, like post-baby body, breast-feeding, your relationship with your partner, getting back into the swing of things, and much, much more! Look for the first installment next Wednesday, May 16th! I am so excited to hear feedback from you all!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 26: Say What?! New Mama Insider Info

Here is what I know: Being a parent is like living on Mars. Minus all the heat and weird gases. Ok, plus the weird gases and minus the heat. It literally feels as if you're living on a different planet than everyone else. Well, other than people who are in your exact same position.

Here are some things I absolutely did not know about and have not heard anyone talk openly about (until I asked):

Nursing

It's so much more difficult than you imagine. I literally thought you were supposed to pop the baby on the boob and let him drink away. Not so. There are different types of holds and the baby has to latch on correctly and you have to come to a mutal agreement with your child about when and where to breastfeed. And they BARELY eat the first few days. Which is why they actually lose a bit of weight that first week, but trust me, it is fine. Scary, but fine.

Honestly, it hurts like hell. It's like purple nurples every time they eat for a few weeks. Then the nips toughen up and nursing becomes a habit (if you decide to pursue it). When your milk comes in, you may or not feel as if you magically received breast implants. I was so swollen, that I had to make a 10 o'clock run to Babies R Us to buy a pump, then proceeded to pump all the way home.

Also, your baby will scratch your chest up with their tiny little claws and you will look like your breasts got into a bar fight with a rosebush. I was too scared to cut G's nails forever, so I wore high necked tops for months. Now that he is teething, I have bite marks and bruises. Fun.

Friendships...

come and go, but never more so than during major life changes like getting married or having babies. There are people who just can't handle the fact that you aren't going out/drinking like you used to, or they're jealous of your happiness, or they are just plain in a different phase of their lives.

Your schedule changes dramatically for awhile, and kids can be so unpredictable that you need understanding family and friends if you have to cancel or rearrange plans. I'm lucky to have people like this in my life!

The good news is that, as a new parent, you can meet so many new friends that know exactly what you're going through. Great meeting places include: the park, the gym, the library (story hour!), the grocery, through friends and family, church, birthday parties, etc. The hardest part is getting up the courage to strike up a conversation and then follow through by making plans. It's a lot like dating: you really have to see if everyone is compatible! I am still in the "working up the courage" phase, but I'm lucky to have several mommy friends already.

SEX

Oh, yes I did. Surprisingly, you recover from (natural) delivery fairly quickly. That doesn't mean that you wanna jump right back in the sack as soon as you feel pain free. Because, yes, it hurts the first time you have sex. It reminds me of Jessica from HBO's True Blood who was turned into a vampire as a virgin. Which means that every time she gets down is literally like the first time. And it feels like that for awhile.

My advice? Lots of lube. And patience. And HUMOR. It goes a long way. Just remember there are a lot of other things you can do with your hubby, including non-sexual activities that are still intimate like showering together, massages, cuddling, breakfast in bed, etc. Like many other things after having a baby, this is temporary and while it may be more difficult to find time with your man, it can (and must!) be done. You just have to become a bit more creative!

Competition

I am not a competitive person by nature, but when I'm out and about I cannot help comparing myself to other parents and my little man to other babies. What is that baby doing that my son isn't? What do I do way better than that parent? I would never do that. My son will never act like that in public... It goes on and on. Why do we do this? Human nature, I suppose. But I really try to keep it to a minimum because every single child goes at their own pace. And nothing is wrong with that by any means. Who am I to judge and compare? My son and I are happy and healthy and that is all I can ask for. (It still creeps in sometimes. Hey, I can't help it!)

Your turn, mamas! What are some things that shocked you as a new mama? What would advice would you give to a new parent that you would have liked to receive? 

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 20: Fear vs. Faith

After putting Peanut down for the night, I usually unwind with a book, or listen to some records while sipping a glass of wine, or peruse the "heavy" sections of the paper while my husband stares at me adoringly from across the living room...

PSYCHE! I WATCH TV. There, I said it. I unwind by watching a trainwreck of a reality show, or catching up on backlogged episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 (that I DVR every day). So, a few nights ago, I was all caught up on my stories, and looking for something uplifting. 

Enter E! and the True Hollywood Story of Giuliana Rancic. I've always thought Giuliana was adorable; she is super cheeky and chic...y. She makes crazy celebrity gossip seem like something important and exciting. And she is always honest and open about her personal life and struggles. I was so saddened when I heard about her being diagnosed with breast cancer. So saddened, in fact, that I started to cry.

Now, I don't know about all you mamas, or soon to be mamas, out there, but I cry ALOT now. Like every day. Sometimes more than once. Sometimes more than twice. So there I was, on the couch, remote in one hand, half-eaten Cadbury Creme Egg in the other, bawling my eyes out. But... quietly, so as not to wake the bebe.

Then, for no reason at all I got scared. Scared that baby G wasn't breathing (checked video monitor...he was fine). Scared that my husband's taxi got in an accident on the way back to his hotel (paranoid call...he was safe and sound, ordering chocolate cake from room service. Wait... I WANT chocolate cake!!) Scared that my eating habits will make me have a heart attack. Darn...no chocolate cake for me. But most of all, just plain scared that something would happen to any of my loved ones. 

Right as I was about to start hyperventilating (silently of course), I heard Giuliana's husband say something profound. He was talking about Giuliana's attitude about breast cancer and he said that we have a choice. We can either live by fear or we can live by faith. HOLD. THE. PHONE. How many times have I heard something similar? "Worrying is like a rocker, you never get anywhere" or "Let go, and let God." But combined? And so simplified? And so REAL? Never.

I don't claim to be religious. I've struggled with organized religion and the messages they put out in the world. Do not misunderstand me; I am so grateful that we have the freedom and are able to find comfort and something to believe in. But I look at my son, and how my body put him together and I feel as if there has to be something out there, orchestrating and planning and watching us grow. My life has come to a point where I'm ready to accept that there's more to life than just me and what I want. It's 100% scary giving up that bit of control. But Bill Rancic was absolutely right...it IS fear vs. faith. It's a choice, one you have to make every day. Quite the commitment.

I feel a bit better when I realize that faith doesn't even have to pertain to religion. It just means I acknowledge that most things are out of my control, and I can either be a paranoid freak, or let go of the paralyzing fear. So I am. And I will. One day at a time. 

Readers, what fears do you have? What have you let go of? How does Faith vs. Fear inspire YOU?

Much love to you all.

Xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 12: The Ideal vs. Reality

Growing up, I would wait anxiously for Friday nights, when new episodes of the sickeningly cheery sitcom Full House would finally air. The week in between each episode felt like absolute torture. And missing a show? Completely out of the question. I knew that I would have to return to school on Monday without the knowledge of what had transpired in the Tanner household. And then endure bouts of jealousy as my friends chatted away about the particularly funny things Michelle said or did. I felt as if I had been left out of something important.

http://www.nypost.com/r/nypost/blogs/popwrap/200812/Images/200812_full-house-reunion.jpg

That's what these types of shows do to us. They gloss over life's milestones, slap a band-aid over the boo-boos, and miraculously move on to bigger and better things. A 2 minute talk and voila, feelings are acknowledged and the issue is instantly resolved. Deep down we all know that is not how things work. However, we feel guilty that we can't make it work like they do. Why can't I forgive and forget as easily as the Tanners? Why can't I just confront the issue head on?

We felt as if their family was what the quintessential American family looked like, that their word was gospel, and every situation should turn out like theirs did each Friday night. I was completely reassured that I would grow up to raise a family that ate dinner together every night, and wholly supported every thing each member did, unselfishly. Ice cream sundaes after every home cooked meal. A father that could work at home instead of trekking into the office. An easy pregnancy and labor, with a few quirky mood swings that were laughed off and tolerated as a joke.

I had to laugh as I recently re-watched an episode of Full House. Becky, with a tiny body and basketball belly, cutely waddles out to Jesse, smiling. "Honey...it's time!" Jesse immediately does the rushing around gathering suitcases act, while Becky looks on smiling. No evidence of contractions or pain. She says that the "indigestion" she's been feeling is now 7 minutes apart.

http://img1.tvloop.com/img/showpics/a7/a9/l377fe8580000_1_20008.jpg

REALLY? Did ya not attend a Lamaze class or parent preparation course, BECKS? Confession time: it is not like TV or the movies in any way, shape, or form. If you're a normal human being, you don't walk around smiling when you start to feel contractions. Not for long at least. Also, surprisingly, most women's water doesn't break at home, or even at all (on its own). Another thing, Full House, they will send you right back HOME if your contractions aren't at least 3-5 minutes apart. That's right! They'll send your pregnant ass right back home. Sad. By the time you are ready to have your baby, your husband will be just as prepared as you. So don't worry, ladies, he won't drive off without you!

Why? Why on EARTH doesn't anyone sit us down and tell us the truth? I would rather be prepared for what I'm going to have to do, than be living in ignorant bliss and then shocked the hell out of when I'm finally hit with reality. So, I have compiled a list. Don't be scared, mamas! Reality is not always harsh. Sometimes it can be heartbreakingly beautiful and amazing. Feel free to add your own in the comments!

http://www.wbez.org/sites/default/files/blog/insert-image/2011-January/2011-01-10/reality-check-1.jpg

Idealistic:

You will just "know" when it's time to go to the hospital.

Realistic:

You will spend much of your labor at home, timing contractions and moving around to help move things along. You will have time to inform family, load the car, have something light to eat, and drive to the hospital safely (and within the speed limit).

Idealistic:

You will bond with your baby as soon as he/she is born.

Realistic:

You're so mentally and physically exhausted after birth that you may not feel that connection right away. That is perfectly NORMAL and OK. You do not know anything about this new little life, except that you love them. It could take days or weeks to really understand how you feel. If it takes more than a month or so, please talk to your partner or your doctor. You may be dealing with post-partum depression.

Idealistic:

Your relationship with your partner will/will not change.

Realistic:

Your relationship with everyone will change, one way or another. You may get closer to certain people, and you will certainly drift away from some who are not in the same stage of life. This is also normal, and can be painful. Just know that you are going through a HUGE life change, and the people that want to stick around and support you are the most important people in your life. You WILL find alone time with your partner again, and you will resume a normal life eventually. TRUST me!

Idealistic:

Some moms have it all together.

Realistic:

There is not one single mom out there that has it all together or completely under control 100% of the time. Those that say they do are lying or delusional. Children affect your life in so many wonderful and unforeseeable ways. You're going to make mistakes because you're on a steep learning curve. It lessens with every child, but it is still there. You're going to be late. And, you're going to leave the house at least once with spit up or poop on your person. Just sayin'... be prepared. You know what helps? Laughing those moments off. Before you know it, your baby will grow up, and those moments will be gone.

http://rlv.zcache.com/funny_baby_clothes_sayings_baby_poop_joke_shirt-p235823905013177709zvzz0_400.jpg

Love you, ladies! What were some of your idealistic expectations that were completely different in reality? Please share, I would love to hear your thoughts!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Check out the Hot Mama on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thehotmamachronicles and Pinterest  http://pinterest.com/OneHawtMama/ !!

Chronicle 7: A Beauty Tutorial

Part 2: Video Vixen

Hey hot mamas! You know, I’ve been looking forward to filming this video for quite some time. Maybe it’s just me, but I have always been curious about other people’s daily routines, as well as the why’s and how’s behind it. Step by step tutorials are how I learn best, and the fact that you see a clear before and after is exciting (Is there such a thing as a beauty nerd?!). 

             Beautiful nerd? 

On the last post I outlined my morning skincare routine, and gave a sneak peek of the Hot Mama Fast Face. A product list can be found here. All of the products I use are for sensitive and/or dry skin, so please take that into account if you are looking to incorporate any of the products I show on the video. Also, I will make suggestions for alternative products when I can. If you have any questions about how/why I use the products, how to apply them, or where to find them, please leave a comment at the end of either Beauty Tutorial post!

Here we go, ladies! (Please forgive my terrible video taking/editing/tech skills...or lack thereof!)

***VIDEO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES***

Beauty Tutorial Breakdown:

My morning routine:

1. Clarisonic Mia for one minute with Clarins Cleansing Milk

2. Peter Thomas Roth Pumpkin Enzyme peel for 1-3 minutes (once a week)

3. Clarins Toning Lotion, applied in circular motion with cotton round

4. ROC Retinol Correxion Eye cream

5. Jack Black Double Duty Moisturizer with SPF 20 (mixed with Caudalie Vinoperfect Day Perfecting Fluid on the mornings I will be leaving the house)

Hot Mama Fast Face, or the “Welcome Home, Honey” face:

1. Spot touch up with Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage 

2.  C.O. Bigelow Apothecaries Mentha Lip Buffer (to smooth lips and freshen breath)

3. Eyeko Strawberry Fat balm as cream blush on lips and cheeks

4. Bobbi Brown Tortoiseshell Sand Eye Palette, with darkest shadow as eyeliner

5. Coat of Millionize mascara if needed

Hot Mama Date face or, “Mom’s watching the kids” face:

1. Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua foundation, put on with foundation brush

2. Spot touch-up with Laura Mercier Secret Camoflouge

3. Laura Mercier finishing powder or Mary Kay mineral powder in Ivory

4. Nars Orgasm blush

5. Bobbi Brown eyebrow pencil in Blonde

6. Two coats Millionize mascara

7. Mally black eyeliner

8. Satin Taupe, Bobbi Brown Tortoiseshell eye shadows – smoky eye

9. Clinique Black Honey lip gloss

10. Perfume: Flowerbomb by Victor Rolf, or Violet Blonde by Tom Ford (depending on how sexy I want to feel!) 

Friends, mamas... I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed making it! For someone as     challenged as me in the tech department, I hope that future posts are created much quicker and are not as primitive. Thanks for patiently standing by! I love you all.

Leave any questions you have in the comment section below. I look forward to hearing from you!

Xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Check out the Hot Mama on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thehotmamachronicles and Pinterest  http://pinterest.com/OneHawtMama/ !!