Chronicle 56: Imperfection

Good morning, y'all!

Let me tell you a liiiittle secret: I. am. a. PERFECTIONIST. This is certainly no surprise if you know me well. Call it what you will (control freak, OCD, weirdo, um...annoying, what have you), but it's 100% true. I prefer to think of it as... high standards.

This morning I was getting dressed and my baby girl was taking a nap so I thought "Hey, I was able to wash my hair this week. It's in the perfect condition for some wave action. Let me just find that ol' curling iron and move all this crap aside to find the pluuug... got it. La di da, dee ba daaa. This is fun!"

While this internal dialogue was happening I interrupted myself and thought, "I can't see the back of my head, so I'll just curl a bunch of hair and see what happens. Maybe it will work out this time and I won't have a huge hunk of uncurled hair hanging around like it just don't care." So I did.

Let me tell you. IT WAS PEREFCT. Almost. See, there was this ONE piece just dangling there, hidden between some luscious curls. It was all straight and shiny. Not a big piece, mind you, but noticeable nonetheless. I grabbed the curling iron to heat it into submission WHEN... All these thoughts about perfection stopped me in my tracks.

Now, I am looking good today. I am feelin' myself. I have a nice lightweight fall sweater on, some skinny jeans, suede lace up booties. I tell you, It's one of those days. Perfect hair would be the icing on the cake right? Wrong. Perfect makeup and perfect hair, but I digress.

I LEFT IT. I did. I just up and left that straight piece of hair floating amongst the sea of waves (I'm getting poetic now. Wistful.). I just shook my head, ran my fingers through it, and topped it off with a spritz of hair spray. It was oddly satisfying and empowering.

What I'm trying to get at is this: I AM CRAZY! Wait, no. I mean I aaaam, but my point is... that I drive myself crazy clinging on to the madness of perfection. Now, I am not about to hit WalMart in some curlers, PJs, and slippers. Nor will my children be seen in public with spaghetti face or peanut butter hair (these are real afflictions, people).

However, the stress of keeping a house put together, my family looking like a Gap ad, putting food on the table, maintaining a loving and exciting marriage, plus there's the cat to keep alive, and my blogging and painting and writing... AGH!!!! WHAT MORTAL being can do all that PERFECTLY?!

It's not worth it. I miss all the good stuff. Instead of following around the children re-cleaning up after them (they DO pick stuff up, just not to my liking. *cough*) I should be playing WITH them. Or at least letting them play uninhibited. While my entire personality will never change (and thank the Lord), my hope is that I can approach each day with the knowledge that I don't have to live it perfectly. I will breathe a sigh of relief and tackle it without the stress of trying to make every situation go my way.

As for today, I'm STILL feelin' myself. Even with my imperfections. When I wake my daughter from her nap and tickle her with my hair, she can grab it and run her chubby little fingers through it without any interference from me. How I would miss those giggles.

xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 55: Number Two

Ahhh, number two. Could be that you planned it. Could be that the little devil snuck up on you until one day... PLOP! Just couldn't hold it in any more. Little, big... doesn't matter. This puppy will change your life forever.

Oh, shit! You thought I was talking about *whispers* number TWO? I meant the second CHILD! Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, people!

I never formally announced that we had another baby, but considering my readers are mostly friends and family, I thought, you know, that you already knew...

But for those people who just happened across my corner of cyber space (probably Googling baby fashion or sore nipples), I HAD A ANOTHER BABY!! YEAH! The snark is strong with me today, son.

How number two has thrown us for a poop. I mean, a loop.

1. Our oldest child has become a servant, parent in training, very special helper!  This is a conversation my, um, friend had with her son recently while she was trying to nurse a wiggling 10 month old with FANGS adorable brand new teeth (who had just decided to blow out of the ruffly $50 outfit from Grandma):

"Hey honey, can you run upstairs and get Mommy a diaper? Yeah, upstairs. IN THE DRAWER! IN THE BIG WHITE DRAWER! No, in your sister's room. YOUR SISTER'S!" When he brought down his favorite pair of underpants instead, I...um SHE just smiled while crying inside.

2. Where in the sweet potato is... ?!?!?! Everything is suddenly missing. Stuff that you wouldn't dream was possible to lose. The baby's entire collection of 20 bottles, your son's favorite toy screw driver, the fake spiral topiary that used to be on the mantle, step stools, potty chairs, and entire couch cushions. Where in the KALE CHIPS do these things GO!??!?!? Either that, or they turn up covered in sticky unremovable substances. Martha Stewart, are you for sale?

3. LAUNDRY. We are at the point where we all wear one outfit a day. SO WHY IS IT that we are doing two loads of laundry EVERY NIGHT? GRRRRFLALAKJDBkhgsvcjaghfd I can't even.

4. My ride. I drove a crossover with one child and now, due to a lack of room situation, we upgraded to a full on SUV. I love it, but the closer I get to owning a mini-van, the closer I feel to losing my sanity. This birth control better not fail, because I will not be purchasing a big ol' van any time soon EVER!!!

5. Sorry, not sorry, but I am never 100% squeaky clean. Because KIDS.
"Just took a shower, Ma? Here, let me barf on your leg."

"Oh, Dad, so glad to hear you got this shirt back from the dry cleaner's. Let me wipe a snail trail of snot on the shoulder."

"Just spent 45 minutes on your hair and makeup, Mommy? I've got some super sticky yogurt that will add a nice pop of color. Let me make sure it gets on every single layer so you have to wash it again."

I can't fail to mention all the dried cheerios, puffs, goldfish and other cracker type crap that manages to glue itself to my BUTT!

And  that, my friends, is just a sample of how number two has flushed my former life away. Yeah, yeah enough with the lame jokes. But seriously, I've gotta go.

xoxo,
Hot Mama

Chronicle 54: Holidazed & Confused

I love loved the holidays. Getting together with friends and family, taking part in longstanding traditions (awkward small talk until you remembered that you grew up with this person and have many hilarious memories together). I used to bask in sweater weather, eat too much turkey and gravy, and spend hours sprawled on the floor looking at old family photos.

When I got pregnant with my son, I was so excited to share moments like these with him. I couldn't wait to teach him the perfect dressing to green bean ratio, or watch him joyously discover the fun of running around with cousins while the grownups watched with knowing smiles. This was all before reality sunk in.

It's no secret that having small children is difficult. But there is a HUGE difference between "knowing" and KNOWING. Perhaps you don't have children yet, or it has been awhile since you've had little ones in the house. You may feel a certain sympathy for the mom juggling a plate of cranberry sauce and a newborn. Or the Dad chasing after the son who is going after Grandma's breakables. It might even be a bit funny to watch prized knick knacks wobbling toward the edge of the table. Later? It will be funny to me, too. Now... well, here's what you DON'T know.

Mom had a sleepless night before Thanksgiving because the baby was in a strange place and would not sleep in her portable crib. The little bundle of sweetness has graciously started teething and no longer requires that swaddle you found on some obscure website. Also, the months it took to convince said baby that Mom was not a pacifier have been shot to hell overnight. Add in some tryptophan and Mom's ready to plummet face first into her plate.

The son slept soundly in his inflatable bed on the floor of the guest room,  but you would never know it, because he is running around in circles and bouncing off walls like a pinball to burn off energy. Usually he gets to play outside, but it's cold and everyone is inside. The only thing that will keep him still and occupied for a minute is watching YouTube videos on Dad's phone. Cue the judgement.

The food is delicious and heavenly, but after the second baby the weight just won't come off. Please don't tell Mom she looks great as she balances a plate of food on her wobbly stomach. Thanksgiving dinner looks like too many nights at the gym that she will never have time for. Appreciate the thought, though.

The parents have not had a spare moment alone since the oldest was born. Holidays included. All the teenagers and college kids acting all moony and the older couples who don't even make eye contact any more make them feel alone and depressed. Divide and conquer, and hope that someday they will be reunited. WE. ARE. SPARTAAA!

What you realllly won't see is the aftermath. Children thrive on schedules, so even if the travel is for "just a few days", this throws children off and sends them careening on a downward spiral... with consequences lasting for days. Days = months in parenthood. It's science.

The son will refuse to nap. So will the baby. There will be LOTS of crying and tantrums. It will bleed into school the following Monday. Then an explanation to teachers will be expected. "It was a rough weekend. That must be why my son beaned you over the head with his Lego tower." Awkward.

The bags will lay unpacked in the parent's room for days. Laundry will pile up and baby girl will have to wear big brother's old onesies. OLD. She will scream and cry at the indignity. Mom and Dad will finally get a breather after coaxing the children into bed by threatening them with "Santa won't come if...!". The parents will then promptly fall asleep to Netflix. At 8:00 p.m.

What I want to constantly scream is "We're battling sheer exhaustion! Nothing will fix that, not even sleep!" To you a day or so of travel may seem like nothing. To us it's like Mount Everest.

The truth? I love you. I love you ALL. But when it comes to dealing with small children, please try to understand. I love my sanity and my schedule more. For now. 

"It's just one year."

Happy Holidays,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 53: Rambling

What to write, what to write... I have this itch to write, to get my thoughts down. I haven't felt it in a long time, so I feel as if I should embrace it. Embracing all that I think and feel and know, and then pushing my way outside of the box to get to the good stuff.

There was this pact I made with myself in high school. I wanted to avoid the housewife life. All the minivans, picket fences, Barney stickers on the windows of said vehicle, keeping up with the Joneses; none of it appealed to me.

Remember these babies?

So why do I find myself reaching toward the safety of the suburbs? Familiarity, I suppose. Don't we, as humans, tend to go back to what we know when under duress?

WARNING: Metaphors, analogies, and humiliations galoooore ahead... (Princess Bride, anyone? Anyone?!)

I feel that with everything else ballooning, going back to my roots is the only thing tying me to the ground. Why do I fight so hard against it? Could I be content with an alternate version, or version(S) all mixed together?

Life is a million different things coming together at once, pure chaos organized by our minds into a straight line. It's easier to swallow, easier to make sense of. But when the corner is peeled back, and I get a peek of what I brushed under the rug, I am quick to run for the broom.

Analogies aside, this is my resolve: embrace it. The dust bunnies, the corners of my mind that become cobwebby because I've been exposed to too much Elmo and consequently begin to speak to adults like I speak to my students... ALL of it. I will change, the situation will change. In the end... well, in the end   there are no guarantees. It's just our duty to be satisfied by our choices in the end.

Oh dear... pop existentialism. Let me wrap this up by saying thank you. For what? I'll let you decide!

xoxo,
The Hot Mama (Wife, Lady & Lova) (Oh, and crossover vehicle driver)

Chronicle 52: There's No Place Like Home

I have a zit. It has taken up residence right between my eyes, popping up sometime between unpacking the 867th box of dishware and the intensive process known as shopping for living room furniture. Too busy to "woe is me", I handled it vigorously with my Clarisonic and a healthy swab of Witchhazel.

Witchhazel is an astringent that can be used as a spot treatment.
 It can dry your skin out pretty quickly, so use sparingly.

Then I wake this morning to find that my zit invited an overnight friend, and this zit is not so...friendly. First of all, no introduction or warning was given. Second, it planted itself right on the tip of my nose. It's like a welcoming committee. Which, admittedly, fits in with my current life theme.

Welcome back, mamas & friends (and hopefully readers I don't know yet). Yes, I took a brief hiatus. Ok, make that a LONG hiatus. It was a year; a year full of highs and lows and new experiences. I met some incredible people, and lost one too. I finished my first year of teaching (I. AM. ALIIIVE!) after staying home with baby G. 

The last 3 items in our old home, before we handed over the keys!

But, the biggest and most life changing thing JUST happened. Like a week ago happened. WE (packedupallofourbelongingsand) MOVED!! It was a life changing move. Like a leave a place you've lived for 28 years, family, friends, job, etc. move. It's turning out to be a brand new adventure, can't wait to explore and meet new people move. 

It was quick, but certainly not painless. In fact, I'm sure that if we ever move again I will need a healthy dose of... several things. If you've ever moved, even to the house or apartment next door, you KNOW it's a pain. The logistics and labor alone cause stress: stress on family, friends, kiddos, and marriage. in effect, it's one of those tests that life throws your way to keep you in check. That's how I came to look at it: a way to test my strength.

The best part about a cross state move? It will continue to test me. Finding my way to the grocery store, meeting other young families, keeping up with a bigger home, interviewing for a job in the local district... the list goes on and on. And while I was faced with these tasks at my old home, I was comfortable. I knew my way around. I had my friends. Here? I have to get my Sacajawea on. Wait... am I leading two men? I guess I am! :)

Our kitchen was put together a day after we moved! I can't claim all the credit: my amazing
family friends showed up to help. Love them!

We have most everything unpacked. The next step is organizing EVERYTHING. Luckily we moved into a bigger home, so we didn't have to worry about making things fit. We just have to worry about making them pretty! (That's my newly adopted phrase for organizing. So much better, right?!) 

This is the funny part: I've actually been researching! I've been reading articles, magazines, and books for ideas. It's your turn, mamas! How do you organize your toddler's room? Your pantry? Your playroom? I foresee several trips to the Container Store in my future!

Meanwhile, we're trying hard to stick to our routine and settle in to the new home. As you can see, Baby G is well on his way! 

Can't wait to hear from you again, mamas!

xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 42.5: Decisions, Decisions UPDATE!

I finally had my haircut today! There is nothing better than an hour of pampering after which you leave totally relaxed and happy with a new look. After much deliberation and input, I decided to go with a longer version of the Brittney. My good friend pointed out that I may freak over such a short 'do, and for that: I LOVE YA! I kept the asymmetry of the cut, as well as the long side swept bang. I think there is need for new styling products and tools...

A big thanks to everyone who voted!!

Xoxo,
The Hot Mama

Chronicle 42: BB Cream Review!

I think it's been quite some time since my Sephora haul and girls, do I have some REVIEWS to write. The one thing I was the most excited about was the BB Cream by Clinique. It promised me the world: sunblock, primer, moisturizer AND moderate coverage all in one.

I was convinced it would become a staple in my makeup bag.

Here's the problem: I have fairly sensitive skin and all of those products combined just wreaked havoc with it. It looks absolutely beautiful and flawless whether it's applied with fingers, brush or sponge. It even passed the natural light test with flying colors (aka it looked fresh and natural in broad daylight). However, it made me break out after 8 hours of wear. And I don't break out. Like... ever. 

My chin became a minefield. After only 8 hours! This is why I sadly decided to return to Sephora. Some day. See the thing is, I love it so much that I'm willing to wear it for short periods of time and then wash it off immediately. Crazy? Absolutely. The things we do for love, ladies, I swear.

Photo courtesy of ehowtogetridofpimples.net

I have been experimenting with my morning skin care routine in order to make this relationship work. I feel as if under certain circumstances, BB and I could be friends. We may never reach our full potential, but it's not fair to just cut BB out of my life forever...

Here's what I've tried: washing my face with cleanser & Clarisonic Mia, toning with Clarins Toning Lotion, using my Caudelie Vinoperfect Day Perfecting Fluid THEN BB cream. I thought the layer of Vinoperfect would protect my skin from the BB. Not so much. That is just adding one. more. thing.

So I tried it without and still, no dice. I had been using moisturizer, too even though the BB has it. I started skipping that step, too and the results were the same. Pimply chin!!

 I finally decided to put the BB everywhere but my chin and used a cover up for any redness. Voila! The perfect solution. AND I get to keep my BB. 

Xoxo, 

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 41: Decisions, Decisions

My hair is still falling out. I am doing all the right things: washing my hair every couple of days, using my special shampoo for women with thinning hair, pumping up the volume with thickening hairspray and mousse and getting light headed by blow drying my hair upside down. I'm even taking prenatal vitamins, still. Yet, my hair... it's not the same. It's growing back - there are uncontrollable, stubborn wisps adorning my forehead. The new hair is growing in straight and the bottom? Still curly and wavy and THIN.

I want my hair back. Weight loss and/or gain, humongous boobs, changes in skin, etc. can pretty much be controlled. But hair? Well, that's up to the hormones. I am afraid, no, make that petrified, that it will never come back. My son's pediatrician told me that it may keep falling out as long as I continue to breastfeed. So for now? Trying not to cry over spilt milk.

http://auntbubbiesfakefood.com/SpillsMelts.html

There is so much going on in my life that I have absolutely no control over, and it's proving hard to deal with. My husband is gone five days a week, and by the end of it will have been away from us for 6 months. Several people close to me are ill.  Sick in a way that may or not be cured. In a way where the only thing to say is, "We're praying. As hard as we can." Life seems cruel and bleak, and very unforgiving at the moment.

That just means that it is the time to put my energy into things that make me happy; things I can work on and better and be thankful for when I start feeling sorry for myself. Which brings me to the title of my post. "Decisions?" you ask (twice). "Can I help?!" OF COURSE!

When I first started having post partum hair loss, I had my stylist cut several inches off. That adorable cut has grown to my shoulders and is no longer... adorable. Because my hair is thin and is providing me with a few different textures, I am not going to grow it out just yet. Here are some of the haircuts I've been checking out:

http://www.hairstyle-blog.com/bobbed-hairstyles.html

1. Scarlett

I like the length of this cut, as well as the layers and the side part. Going too short would be disastrous on my round/square shaped face, so keeping it chin length or a tad longer is best! 

http://www.hotbeautyhealth.com/hairstyles/short-curly-hairstyles-get-celebrity-hair/

2. Charlize

The length of this cut is very similar to Scarlett's. The difference lies in the hint of a side swept bang...which would be a leap for me, because I've avoided bangs for awhile. Will bangs only emphasize my hair loss? I'm not sure. This cut also seems to have fewer layers, and is much softer than the first option.

http://www.bestcelebrityhairstyles.com/reese-witherspoon-hairstyles/reese-witherspoon-short-hair/

3. Reese

Love the long side swept bang, the short cut that's just shy of a bob if it weren't all choppy and sassy! This option compliments her fine hair and adds some volume by shorter layers at the top and middle, and leaving the bottom part one length, with blunt edges. This is a strong contender!

http://wedding-dresse-s.blogspot.com/2011/11/trendy-and-flattering-short-hairstyles.html

4. Brittany

I love this because it's fun and sexy. One piece in the front is a bit longer, which adds visual interest without being too quirky or odd. The side swept bangs and short, face framing layers do not add bulk to her face shape (a common problem with short cuts on round/square face shapes) . What do you think?

Last but not least... here's ME! That way you can kind of visualize what each may look like before helping me decide! My appointment is set for next week, so cast your votes as soon as possible!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 40: Say What?! Wednesday: Communicating with your Spouse

Well, here we are, more than halfway through the Say What?! Series and I am a little sad. Not like "Leave Britney ALONE!" sad... more along the lines of "There are two more Oreos left in the package and I'm about to finish them off" sad. Wistful-like. Because there is only one more post left in the series, I've been brainstorming and narrowing down topics. I want to hit the most important issues, what I think might be most helpful to YOU.

Oh, Mr. Gable!

Something that comes up time and again in any relationship with a significant other is communication (mostly lack thereof, if we're honest with ourselves). Never is this skill more important than when you're trying to nurture a little ankle biter of your own. 

Is is notoriously difficult for men and women to truly hear and understand what the other is saying. Women are talkers and sharers by nature and men are visual creatures who just want us to get to the point so they can offer a brilliant solution. 

http://www.zazzle.com/mr_fix_it_tshirt-235124752233411226 

I can't even begin to count the number of times I sat down and talked to my husband about my horrible day and spilled my guts only to encounter a glazed look or the "I'm pretending not to read what's on my computer, but I'm really rocking the hell out of my peripherals" stare. One of those moments where I truly considered extreme couch bouncing a la Tom Cruise craziness... 

There are books. And articles. And Doctors and therapists and couples counseling and churches, and and and. What it really comes down to is your willingness to LISTEN. By stepping back, turning off defensiveness and keeping an open ear. This is a constantly evolving skill... trust.

Here's what I know/try to keep in mind:

1. Talking scares a lot of men. They're afraid you want them to get emotional and share their feelings... and stuff. Plus, they are petrified you will yell or cry. This triggers a shut down in most men. (Trying desperately not to generalize, here!)

Instead: "Hey, hotness (bunny, lovebug, big strong man, etc.), I wanted to get your opinion on something. Can we set aside 10-15 minutes later? I'll bring the wine! 

Clink!

Why? 

-A limited amount of time is concrete. It means that there is a way out. It means that you go into teamwork mode and find a solution without a prolonged, emotional conversation. 

-Also, talking about ONE issue at a time may be frustrating, but it is a scientific fact that men cannot multitask. It's brain science. 

-Don't cause confusion by bringing up five different things at once, as tempting as it may be. If it helps, write down everything beforehand, just to simply get it out so it doesn't make an appearance during your "non-chat."

-Don't get drunk, or even tipsy. The wine is to help you loosen up, not lash out! 

2. Start SMALL. 

Why?

-Don't try to tackle a heavy, complex issue on your first try. Gradually increase the time limit as you and your spouse become more comfortable discussing more emotional issues.

-Starter topics: Projects around the house, weekend plans, a trip, your next big purchase, planning a date.

-Eventually you will dive into the sensitive topics: money, sex, family, raising your children, your feelings about _____ event/situation, etc. 

3. Be ready to swallow some pride. You may have an idea of how you want the conversation to go, but the goal is to really listen to your spouse. Remember that you cannot control their thoughts, words, or actions. Give them time to think and talk, without interruptions. Check out their body language.

Body language

Why?

-Interrupting or giving an emotional monologue says "I don't care what you think. What I have to say is much more important" (whether that is true or not). Your love should shine through, not your impatience. 

-Support is key. Creating a safe environment will encourage your spouse to talk and share. 

-You may hear something that you don't like or conflicts with your wants. Take a minute to mull it over  before you respond. A lot of times our initial reactions may be overreactions, which hinder any progress you've made!

4. When all else fails, agree to disagree, and re-visit later. 

Why?

-When either one, or both, of you gets too worked up, the conversation is over and stops being productive. Being upset does not lend to rational thinking.

-Take a day (or several) to cool down. Jot down thoughts as they come to you and bring them to your next conversation if it will help keep you focused. 

-Do not say something you will later regret. This will make it really difficult to revisit the conversation with a wary spouse.  

5. Last, but not least: Timing is everything.

Why?

-Read your partner's cues. Did they have a rough day at work, or at home with the kids? Not the best time to approach them with a sensitive issue. Glass of wine, maybe, but super chat? No.

-A person who is on-edge will not be prepared to listen objectively.

-Your convo should take place in a quiet, distraction free setting. Chaos begets chaos!

Take it to the houuuuse!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama

Chronicle 39: Holiday Happiness

Hello, my beautiful friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend filled to the brim with family, food, fun, and hopefully a bit of shade.

The Indianapolis 500 was on Sunday and all of Indy was ablaze...literally! It was a record setting hot, and trust when I say I've been to some extremely warm races. I've been going to the race with my family since I was a child and this year was the second year in a row that I haven't gone. Last year I had little G in mah belly, but this year it was just too dang HOT! Maybe I'm getting older AND wiser! (Dare to dream...)

Ladies & gentleman, start your engines!

We spent the entire day by the pool with delicious pulled pork sammies dripping with barbecue, chilly strawberry daquiris and coconutty pina coladas, and friends we consider second family. Little man was obsessed with the pool; he was giggling and splashing the entire time. I could not stop swooning over his chubby little pigs kicking in the water and the windmill motions he made with his arms as we held him close. I am so relieved that he loves the water.

Baby G splashing Daddy

I believe I have discovered my new favorite thing: a bag of deliciousness filled to the brim with an icy alcohol concoction. Not only is it super easy and handy, it is verrrrry classy. Yeah.

We did brave the extreme heat on Saturday in order to attend the Indy 500 Parade. My mama volunteered to watch sugarpants while the hubs and I sat front row to see my beautiful cousin adorn a float as an Indy 500 Princess! Even though I've been going to the race for close to 20 years, I've never been to the parade and it was the perfect time to experience it. 

While it was a wonderful holiday, I had to take a moment to reflect on all those that have served or are serving our country. We appreciate everything you do to protect our country and our families. Thank you!

Xoxo,

The Hot Mama